My question to pro-choice supporters

[The Grand Nudger]

Well whose fault is that? How much thought went into the possibility that a co-parent marriage or general relationship wouldn't work out? Why the fuck is it so hard to prevent this kind of thing to the point where we're not looking at a reality where at least half the country is in this kind of situation?

In my experience, between two people in love - not much thought is given to that.  Personally, I've always been a cynic.  My mother was married three times.  End of the day I was willing to go all in even if it all went wrong.  Still am, still could.  If it does, I'll do it again.  I know that I'll end up losing out every single time.....but I'm not the kind of guy who quits just because something is hard.  In any case, it isn;t..or at least shouldn;t be hard to prevent it..but it also shouldn;t be -harder- to prevent it just because a person was born packing peen. That's my point, my only point. As it stands, a mans only choice in this situation is to pay or run. Fewer would choose the later if they weren't forced to do the former. You could..for example, know who your biological father was and have access to his medical history if providing that information did not incur a lifelong punitive sentence of fatherhood. He'd have to officially apply to opt out, eh? That might even have given you -some- sort of closure.

The kids get absolutely no fucking say in any of it. "No, I don't want that part of my identity ripped away from me! No, I don't want to have zero idea of family history for medical or other reason!" You decide to fuck, you live with the goddamn consequences, whatever preparations you take, and you agree ahead of time on contingencies if the unforeseen should happen regardless. What. the. fucking. SHIT. is so difficult about this amazingly simple concept? Even among non-theists who don't subscribe to the 'birth control is bad, but so is fornication, but that's not AS bad, so..." school of non-thought, though probably statistically less frequently. "If you and mom are getting a divorce, why did you have me? Why do you want to break apart our family?" Is there an answer for those? Even if there is, is it remotely acceptable?

Again, your angst and disappointment doesn't make a very solid foundation for law.  Perhaps you could take some cold comfort in knowing that families who were forced to stay together by law or societal pressure almost invariably become abusive or deficient in some palpable way - you dodged that bullet even if you got hit by many others.

I don't entirely lack empathy with you (see one of the below paragraphs)-I just put emotion completely aside when I consider how two (or more) sexual partners, whatever the depth of their relationship otherwise is, should approach the subject. Yes, the best laid plans can go off the rails but as I said, contingencies. Practical, logical people will not be afraid to discuss worst-case scenarios with one another and if they are, that person probably isn't 'the one'. I'm sure nothing kills the mood like the discussion of a binding legal contract but even a one-night stand could do with more 'protection'. This all probably wouldn't be so big an issue if not for generations upon generations of religious sexual suppression and its effect on the zeitgeist but here we are.

Empathy with me for what?  I've never not wanted kids.  A provision allowing for a guy to opt out wouldn't mean jack shit to me beyond my penchant for equality in the rule of law.  I didn't offer my own backstory for empathy, but as a counterpoint to the hur dur deadbeat narrative that fuels the patriarchal shell game to save the mommy and the kid from the bad man.  We end up supporting and saying shit that would make our skin crawl if we applied it to the other half in the same issue. As ever, punitive laws and attitudes aimed at "the bad hombres" never manage to hit the bad hombres as hard as they hit the not so bad hombres. Mostly because the bad hombres are...you know..bad hombres.

I've heard plenty of divorcee dads with child support issues bitch and moan about it and their ex-wives do sound like vindictive cunts, forcing these poor bastards to work multiple shitty jobs while they sit at home and never let the guys see the damn kids. But myy first thought is, "Well, how well did you know that person before you porked them?" or sometimes, "Are you sure you're completely blameless in whatever might have triggered that?" Both sides seem to be wanting to avoid even partial responsibility for anything that sounds fucked-up about it. But why even discuss trying to split it evenly down the middle? That's just not practical because it's fucking impossible (except for Arnold Schwarzenegger in that one movie). No one's really thinking about the child, anyway, they're thinking of their own egos and not weighing pro-con situations with that in mind. That's a totally healthy attitude to have when sharing custody of a kid, forcing them to choose sides. If one of them is even around to play that role at all.

Sure, there are two side to any divorce, and any custody battle, and any child support enforcement issue.  Personally, I still love the ex as much as I ever did..I think she's a great person who's made a wonderful mother and I'm sure that she's going to make some girl a very, very happy woman someday.  I see pictures from time to time that she sends my family.  She did what she did because she'd lost that loving feeling, I'm a hard man to love even if I'm an easy man to breed with. My family likes to crack jokes about how she got the best of me and left the rest for others to put up with, my genes, lol.

We're already ballistically overpopulated as it is. But people somehow treat the idea of moderation in knocking up or getting knocked up (intentionally or not) like an attack on their ability to fuck. So let's just give up, let everyone do whatever the fuck they want, raise confused kids to grow up not knowing what a healthy relationship looks like, not knowing what it means to take responsibility with their lives, have backward ideas about gender roles because of a lack of one parent as a role model, and just let the whole thing crash into an iceberg. At least someone'll make 2 billion out of that climax. Once again we make the ass-backwards mistake of wanting to lament the result of our fuck-ups instead of trying to prevent them. Congratu-fucking-lations.

It's like you have a million thoughts all running over each other.........none of which to do with anything I proposed.