I lost my Soul

[Ben Davis]

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Basically I was a Christian, or at least I thought I was. I kept on sinning and just like it says if you blaspheme the Holy spirit its unforgivable. I ignored his promptings for years and then out of nowhere something in me was different. Literally in an instant. I have been separated from Gods presence here on earth and I cant even describe what it's like, but let me tell you that He loves everyone very much. Its like I don't exist anymore. My spirit's GONE. dead. I'm literally just existing in the flesh with no Love in me. I know I'm going to hell, and its just like the bible says those who reject him will be aware of their coming judgement. I cant stress it enough how important it is to Accept Jesus. Having no soul is like complete apathy, but not really because I cant feel anything. I just process everything around me. No enjoyment, satisfaction, nothing good. Just like the bible says everything good comes from God and it is so hard to describe what having no love, faith, or hope in you at all is like. I just exist, but I don't. I'm just waiting, and I'm aware that I'm going to hell, but it doesn't bother me, because only through love can you truly care about anything. All that's in my heart is wickidness. You know how when you think about past memories or do things you like and you get this good feeling, I have nothing. The dead know nothing. Its indescribable. All I can say is I cant stress enough how much Jesus loves all of you, and that he accepts you just how you are right now. If you can Love at all even a tiny bit, that's all he needs. Trust me when I say anything in this life is nothing compared to what will be waiting for you in heaven. I have no intuition anymore, I have no identity, and I don't mean that to sound dramatic I mean literally. Its like things I used to enjoy and hate I remember that I did like the, but I cant feel it. Nothing, youd think I would freak out, but without a soul it doesn't matter. I cant freak out, because that would require some sort of goodness to actually care. I know it sounds just like depression and apathy, but its not. Its just NOTHING.

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Seriously goneguy, you need real help and posting rants on atheist sites isn't the right way to go about it. There's no-one watching, giving you bonus points for piety; there's no soul to use as a bargaining chip for your penance in the next life; hell, there's no next life. If you accept the reality that what you thought of as the presence of god was actually your own subconscious, maybe you can start reconnecting with yourself and start to heal.