Catholic Lady, God did appear to me, but I showed utter hate to him till it drove me insane, and allowed the devils to this day to over take my soul and keep me away from his remembrance.
I always thought I would show nothing but love to God if I was sure he existed but I recall things vividly now, and when I shown the truth, I hated it, and went back to the darkness.
I have forgotten God from then on, and an evil spirit/demon has been what overwhelmed me and all I see, and all I rely on.
I been trying to destroy it through the name of God and leader of God, but I've become blind to the light, I don't know which sword is the sword of God when I been so use to falsehood.
All I can tell you, the hardest of trials is when you stand before God, and you are expected to show etiquette. I showed hate and dislike, and showed fear of him out of hate, till I ran away and became insane after becoming welcomed to the place of the chosen ones and holy valley.
I don't know if I will ever forgive myself, perhaps if I find God's Name among the falsehoods, and recognize his tree of light among the false trees, I wil redeem myself and remember him.
But I realize now all I understand is what in theory the path of God would be, what in theory Quran teaches, what in theory is the face of God, what in theory is the leaders who leads and guides to God, but I have not recognized neither myself, neither God, neither the leaders and means and path to God.
I see nothing but shadows and trying to fight with a stick (reason) from God to light a way by which I will recognize the name of God and face of God.
I always thought I would show nothing but love to God if I was sure he existed but I recall things vividly now, and when I shown the truth, I hated it, and went back to the darkness.
I have forgotten God from then on, and an evil spirit/demon has been what overwhelmed me and all I see, and all I rely on.
I been trying to destroy it through the name of God and leader of God, but I've become blind to the light, I don't know which sword is the sword of God when I been so use to falsehood.
All I can tell you, the hardest of trials is when you stand before God, and you are expected to show etiquette. I showed hate and dislike, and showed fear of him out of hate, till I ran away and became insane after becoming welcomed to the place of the chosen ones and holy valley.
I don't know if I will ever forgive myself, perhaps if I find God's Name among the falsehoods, and recognize his tree of light among the false trees, I wil redeem myself and remember him.
But I realize now all I understand is what in theory the path of God would be, what in theory Quran teaches, what in theory is the face of God, what in theory is the leaders who leads and guides to God, but I have not recognized neither myself, neither God, neither the leaders and means and path to God.
I see nothing but shadows and trying to fight with a stick (reason) from God to light a way by which I will recognize the name of God and face of God.
