This is an interesting question and it really made me think.
I think I’m generally a good person, but sometimes I do awful things. I have caught myself muttering, “Wow, Ivy. This time you really outdid yourself,” and not in a good way. Sometimes when this happens, I lose sleep. When I do something fit for a bad person of bad intentions, I don’t like myself, I punish myself, and I do what it takes to either fix it when it’s possible, or face the consequences. Sometimes.
I notice that the worst things I’ve done have derived from a place in my head where I have cultivated fear, resentment, and trauma. I have learned to identify my triggers, so when I still act upon my impulses after being triggered, I consider this bad (sometimes). Since I have identified the issue, there should be no excuse. I feel that I should control myself more, because sometimes I can be wrong and I don’t realize it until after I have done the harm. I have to admit that there have been times when I have been purposefully mean due to these triggers, and I know it, and I feed it, and I don’t take it back. This is why I consider that sometimes I do awful things. I don’t always regret the things I do wrong. I know it’s wrong, but I’m so angry that I think, “I don’t care if what I’m about to say is hateful. I know it is and I’m about to say it anyway.”
But my darkness tends to focus on those triggers.
Other than that, I think I’m a person with a good heart and sometimes I take my kindness and patience too far. I forgive too easily. I let people step over me, if that prevents them from suffering. I go without, so others have it. Even when it hurts, I give another chance, because omg I don’t want to imagine them hurting instead. If anything, I’m a very mean and cruel person to myself.
Speaking of which, people that remind me of me get in my nerves. A lot. A fucking lot.
In conclusion, I’m an awful person who does a few things right once in a while and deep down has good intentions.
I think I’m generally a good person, but sometimes I do awful things. I have caught myself muttering, “Wow, Ivy. This time you really outdid yourself,” and not in a good way. Sometimes when this happens, I lose sleep. When I do something fit for a bad person of bad intentions, I don’t like myself, I punish myself, and I do what it takes to either fix it when it’s possible, or face the consequences. Sometimes.
I notice that the worst things I’ve done have derived from a place in my head where I have cultivated fear, resentment, and trauma. I have learned to identify my triggers, so when I still act upon my impulses after being triggered, I consider this bad (sometimes). Since I have identified the issue, there should be no excuse. I feel that I should control myself more, because sometimes I can be wrong and I don’t realize it until after I have done the harm. I have to admit that there have been times when I have been purposefully mean due to these triggers, and I know it, and I feed it, and I don’t take it back. This is why I consider that sometimes I do awful things. I don’t always regret the things I do wrong. I know it’s wrong, but I’m so angry that I think, “I don’t care if what I’m about to say is hateful. I know it is and I’m about to say it anyway.”
But my darkness tends to focus on those triggers.
Other than that, I think I’m a person with a good heart and sometimes I take my kindness and patience too far. I forgive too easily. I let people step over me, if that prevents them from suffering. I go without, so others have it. Even when it hurts, I give another chance, because omg I don’t want to imagine them hurting instead. If anything, I’m a very mean and cruel person to myself.
Speaking of which, people that remind me of me get in my nerves. A lot. A fucking lot.
In conclusion, I’m an awful person who does a few things right once in a while and deep down has good intentions.
"Hipster is what happens when young hot people do what old ladies do." -Exian
