My mama and padre raised me hardcore, fanatical Christian. I grew up fearing hell, praying every day for the god to change my sexual orientation, feeling ashamed, and being afraid of the track of my thoughts, because the god could see them. I can’t tell you about the level of indoctrination and brain wash, because it would take a book. No “secular” music, no prom, no dancing, no out of church activities. I prayed an hour a day (at least) since I was about 5. A preacher sexually abused me and his daughter when I was six, and he made me believe I would go to hell if I didn’t forgive him. Not only that, but I had to love him in the god’s grace. I was shamed, because a preacher prayed for a depression and anxiety disorder I have, and when I said it wasn’t cured, I was told I lacked faith and this is why it wouldn’t go away. My fault. I needed to fast and repent. I was 13. I was locked in a tiny room when I was living in a Bible Institute. I spent a couple months in there going insane, the church thought it was demons. I could go on.
If you asked me before if this was child abuse from my parents, I would have said YES! I was resentful and exhausted from life. But I have grown and learned from being a parent. I make mistakes and I have to explain myself to my boys. It hurts. Son, I thought I knew what I was doing, and I thought it was what was best for you. My mama has cried in regret and asked us to forgive them. They didn’t know about the preacher’s abuse. They didn’t know about my self hate due to my sexual orientation. They had no idea that their teachings were keeping me from living a healthy life. They actually raised me better than their parents raised them.
I have nothing to forgive them for. They did their best. I’m thankful. They did not abuse me by doing what they thought was best. They made a mistake, but they loved me and I knew they did. Always. I have changed my mind, and I hope my kids don’t hate me for my mistakes.
As much as I disagree with religion and I wish kids weren’t brought up in it, it’s not child abuse when you wholeheartedly believe it’s the best thing. IMO. I could be biased, I admit.
If you asked me before if this was child abuse from my parents, I would have said YES! I was resentful and exhausted from life. But I have grown and learned from being a parent. I make mistakes and I have to explain myself to my boys. It hurts. Son, I thought I knew what I was doing, and I thought it was what was best for you. My mama has cried in regret and asked us to forgive them. They didn’t know about the preacher’s abuse. They didn’t know about my self hate due to my sexual orientation. They had no idea that their teachings were keeping me from living a healthy life. They actually raised me better than their parents raised them.
I have nothing to forgive them for. They did their best. I’m thankful. They did not abuse me by doing what they thought was best. They made a mistake, but they loved me and I knew they did. Always. I have changed my mind, and I hope my kids don’t hate me for my mistakes.
As much as I disagree with religion and I wish kids weren’t brought up in it, it’s not child abuse when you wholeheartedly believe it’s the best thing. IMO. I could be biased, I admit.
"Hipster is what happens when young hot people do what old ladies do." -Exian
