Divorce questions/thoughts

[LastPoet]

I'm 50 yrs old and have been married for 25 years.  My wife and I have no children.  We both have good paying jobs with similar wages.  We work for the same organization so we have similar retirement benefits.  Marital property includes a home, and three vehicles.

The crux of the issue is that we have an intimacy issue.  We have for most of our married life.  In all other realms we are perfect for each other.  We get along, rarely argue, and have very similar social and political views.  I would even consider her my best friend.  We've talked about it in the past (she has also brought it up), but nothing ever changes.  Six years ago I got into very good shape hoping that it would spice things up a bit.  I really don't know if it made any difference to her.  One night years ago we were out and she had a few drinks.  She noticed the waitress checking me out, and said "You can have an affair if you want".  I played good husband and said I didn't want one.  I've never cheated on her even though I can count the number of times we've been intimate on one hand over the past decade plus.

Back around thanksgiving I decided to get myself back in shape for health reasons and to feel better. Shortly after starting, I came across something that hit me in the head like a 2x4.  I found a couple old letters that a High School girlfriend wrote me.  I didn't know they still existed, and I came across them quite by accident.  Back in the day we didn't text or Instagram, we wrote letters to each other.  My mother found the letters I had hidden, burned them, and forced me to stop seeing her.  These two letters escaped.  I hid them, and they've been hidden for 33 years.  This girl was not just any girl.  She was first love, and lost our virginity to each other.  I did a lot of soul searching.  Am I happy?   I'm comfortable, but that really isn't the same thing.

I found her fairly local, and I reached out.  She is single.  No children.  Not in a relationship.  I've seen her FB pictures and she's still the same beautiful girl I remember.  We've chatted on the phone quite a few times, and we have a date planned in a couple weeks.  I've been completely honest with her about my situation.  This is an excursion to test the waters.

I've spoken to friends about this.  At first they thought I should give my marriage a shot and try to work things out.  At this point I don't think forcing ourselves to have sex twice a week is really a viable option and seems a bit disingenuous.  I think we both see each other as comfortable roommates, but I've hit the point where that isn't enough.  I don't think I can will myself to fall back into romantic love.

I "think" my mind is made up.  If things go well on the date (not talking about sex), we'll see how things progress.  If we find that we still have that fire from long ago, I'm going to ask my wife for a divorce.   Have I lost my mind?