RE: Divorce questions/thoughts
December 17, 2017 at 10:32 pm
(This post was last modified: December 17, 2017 at 11:13 pm by Kosh.)
I'll fill in a little added detail here.
First of all, my wife and I live in a no-fault divorce state. Secondly, we are fairly equal in the ability to earn income. We came into the marriage with nothing, and we ended up being pretty equal. Thirdly, the "issue" has been brought up by both her and myself over the decades. It usually goes something like this. Someone has a few drinks and brings up the issue. There is some back and forth on how we need to work at it, and nothing ever changes. I honestly think that if I ask her if I asked for a divorce, she would be initially upset, but then reluctantly agree that things are not normal. I certainly wouldn't be shocked if she asked for a divorce for the same exact reason. I think she's gotten to the point where things are "good enough". Comfortable lifestyle, no real drama or stress, and I hate Trump. I think a few years ago I was feeling the same way. Recent years its started to bother me, and finally after reading the letters I snapped.
Regardless if I end up with my old sweetheart, I'm pretty sure I might be looking at the same outcome. I'm 50, and I'm not dead and in the ground yet.
I'm not telling my wife about the other woman. I think their is enough cause for a divorce without saying, "I found someone else". The other woman is not the reason my wife and I have only been intimate twice in the last 10 years.
A little more about the letters.
When this girl and I were dating, we constantly wrote back and forth. She described being in love, and anticipating sexual encounters in great detail. I had these letters hidden in a false ceiling in my bedroom. As luck would have it, a water pipe started leaking in my bedroom ceiling while I was at school, and the letters were discovered by my mother. She shut us down and forced us to stop seeing each other. Because of that, there has always been this nagging feeling of unfinished between the two of us. She has it as well. My mother burned the letters, but a couple escaped. I took them and stuff them in my High school yearbook. I few weeks ago I was cleaning out the garage, and found a box with my yearbooks. I haven't looked at them in 33 years, and there they were. Long forgotten.
One positive not is that I've lost almost 20 lbs. since Thanksgiving. Nothing like motivation. I'm a type II diabetic (when I'm heavy). I'm also a terrible non-compliant patient. A couple months ago I started back up doing glucose checks in the AM and I was hovering close to 200 (this was before I found the letters). Now I'm about 85 in the AM which is normal. I've been pretty much working out daily alternating between cardio and weights. I also do about 1000 stairs on my lunch break each day. I'm eating a high protein and low carb diet. I honestly have not even been hungry. I figure I have about another 25-30 to go. That should bring me from a 42" waist to a 32". I figure about another 10lbs and I'll start upping the carbs a bit and increasing my workout intensity.
I did this same thing about six years ago, and it didn't seem to make any difference to my wife. This time it's for me.
First of all, my wife and I live in a no-fault divorce state. Secondly, we are fairly equal in the ability to earn income. We came into the marriage with nothing, and we ended up being pretty equal. Thirdly, the "issue" has been brought up by both her and myself over the decades. It usually goes something like this. Someone has a few drinks and brings up the issue. There is some back and forth on how we need to work at it, and nothing ever changes. I honestly think that if I ask her if I asked for a divorce, she would be initially upset, but then reluctantly agree that things are not normal. I certainly wouldn't be shocked if she asked for a divorce for the same exact reason. I think she's gotten to the point where things are "good enough". Comfortable lifestyle, no real drama or stress, and I hate Trump. I think a few years ago I was feeling the same way. Recent years its started to bother me, and finally after reading the letters I snapped.
Regardless if I end up with my old sweetheart, I'm pretty sure I might be looking at the same outcome. I'm 50, and I'm not dead and in the ground yet.
I'm not telling my wife about the other woman. I think their is enough cause for a divorce without saying, "I found someone else". The other woman is not the reason my wife and I have only been intimate twice in the last 10 years.
A little more about the letters.
When this girl and I were dating, we constantly wrote back and forth. She described being in love, and anticipating sexual encounters in great detail. I had these letters hidden in a false ceiling in my bedroom. As luck would have it, a water pipe started leaking in my bedroom ceiling while I was at school, and the letters were discovered by my mother. She shut us down and forced us to stop seeing each other. Because of that, there has always been this nagging feeling of unfinished between the two of us. She has it as well. My mother burned the letters, but a couple escaped. I took them and stuff them in my High school yearbook. I few weeks ago I was cleaning out the garage, and found a box with my yearbooks. I haven't looked at them in 33 years, and there they were. Long forgotten.
One positive not is that I've lost almost 20 lbs. since Thanksgiving. Nothing like motivation. I'm a type II diabetic (when I'm heavy). I'm also a terrible non-compliant patient. A couple months ago I started back up doing glucose checks in the AM and I was hovering close to 200 (this was before I found the letters). Now I'm about 85 in the AM which is normal. I've been pretty much working out daily alternating between cardio and weights. I also do about 1000 stairs on my lunch break each day. I'm eating a high protein and low carb diet. I honestly have not even been hungry. I figure I have about another 25-30 to go. That should bring me from a 42" waist to a 32". I figure about another 10lbs and I'll start upping the carbs a bit and increasing my workout intensity.
I did this same thing about six years ago, and it didn't seem to make any difference to my wife. This time it's for me.
“Understanding is a three edged sword: your side, their side, and the truth.”
