(December 31, 2017 at 9:26 am)Kosh Wrote:(December 18, 2017 at 10:02 pm)AFTT47 Wrote: I agree with this totally. Just because the "norm" is that married couples relate in a certain way doesn't mean it needs to be that way. Your wife is a good, compatible partner who just isn't into sex and is okay with you getting that elsewhere. The biggest hickup I see is that your old flame will not be okay with the arrangement. It's always possible that your wife won't really be okay with it either but I'm inclined to believe her. If it was a case of you just sucking in bed, she would have been the one filing for divorce long ago. She hasn't because it's a non-issue for her. She's asexual.
There's nothing wrong with non-standard relationships between consenting adults.
Honestly, I find the whole concept of "cheating" to be a bit immature. Regardless of arrangement, you never have ownership of another human being. I think it's a bit unrealistic in most cases because of human nature. In this particular case when the woman is apparently asexual and has given verbal consent, this shouldn't even be an issue.
Legally, it's another matter. The legal system in the United States is incredibly archaic. Judges are addressed as, "your honor", court buildings are built with pillars for support to honor ancient traditions and the whole thing is offensively pompous. It is not an arena where progressive ideas are well received. In order to legally protect yourself, well - you might want to get legal counsel first.
Still, talk to your wife and see if you can preserve a good thing in such a way you are both happy. If not, then go for the divorce. Neither of you should be a slave to convention though. Who the hell is society to create these artificial boxes such as friend, lover, spouse, etc. and insist that any relationship conform to one of those boxes? Consenting adults should feel free to make their own boxes.
It's been awhile since I've posted.
I'm certainly not against non-standard relationships for those who want that, but honestly I'm a bit of a traditionalist here.
I'm not afraid of a divorce. I live in a no-fault equitable distribution state. Nobody is taking anyone to the cleaners no matter what the reason for the divorce is. We both have professional careers with similar earning abilities. If anything, she would need to pay me. I put her through school first and she has a bigger retirement stash since she's been in her career longer. Zero of this has any bearings on my feelings. I'm just tossing this out since people think I'm setting myself to be ruined financially.
Losing her income will change my lifestyle, but honestly it might be for the best. We both spend stupidly frivolous, and I've begun to think that buying "stuff" was just a piss poor way to gain some happiness. I few months ago we took 10 garbage bags full of her shoes and cloths to Goodwill. All of which were purchased in the past five years. She just needed room in her closet for new stuff. I'm just as bad when it comes to audio equipment, computers, and gadgets.
Health is another concern. Our entire social life together revolves around going to restaurants, finding new stuff to eat, having a bunch of cocktails, going home and going to sleep. I was a typical middle-aged overweight diabetic slug. In the past six weeks I've dropped 30 pounds and six inches off my waist. My labs are absolutely perfect now. I'm alternating weight training and cardio. I want to drop another 20 lbs. I've gone out to eat with my wife a couple times over the past month, and she absolutely hates me now as a dinner partner now. I usually have a single vodka martini. She wants to drink, but not alone. So she keeps trying to get me to have more. Having a social relationship that revolves solely around eating and drinking is done for me.
My old flame? She is a cancer survivor. She lives a simple lifestyle, is extremely active, and eats clean. At 50 this sounds very appealing.
My marriage and my old flame are two separate topics in my mind. I've fully decided to ask for a divorce by spring at the latest. It's a bitch moving when its 20 below, and we are simply roommates anyways. No issue cohabitating for another three months. I'm meeting my old flame in less than two weeks. We have a date planned to go cross country skiing, walk through an ice castle, and take a drive in the country. A very different outing than what I'm used to. I'll have more to report back in a couple weeks.
I applaud your weight loss and lifestyle improvements. It does seem your wife doesn't share your enthusiasm for change or support yours, at least not in her desire to keep you on as a drinking chum. I wish you all the best going forward.
