Admitting You're a Sinner

[Athene]

Hmm. If you can't even bear giving voice to your "sins", I'd imagine a sincere effort at making amends to those whom you've actually wronged and offended might be out of the question. That can prove to be extremely trying and stressful, especially for those in delicate states.

Best to assuage your guilt with redemption from uninvolved, invisible parties, I suppose.

I did try to apologize to that person but I didn't want to trigger the memory if they didn't remember.  It was something I did when I was in grade 3.  Society would never punish me for it but it opened enough dark portals in my book of deeds that would lead sooner or later to insanity as my mind desperately tried to hide the memory away for 24 years after.

Sounds as though it could've been pretty bad, though due to your age at time, I have no clue as to whether you were the victim or the offender, neither, or both. 
Or if these "dark portals" you speak of are normal urges or truly sick, destructive proclivities that impose harm on others. Nowadays, you appear to be driven almost exclusively by binary thought patterns and indoctrination, so it's difficult to tell.

I don't suspect that you wish to clarify things any further, so I'll just err on the side of caution- 
IF your religious faith is the only thing capable of preventing you from doing truly unspeakable, horrible things, then please hold on tight and don't let go.

I'd also suggest that you quit coming here to test your debating skills and/or personal mettle, IF indeed that much is at stake.