Kingsman: The Secret Service. The characters were more than a bit flat, but what galled me about the movie is that they somehow managed to take a villain whose intention was to cause more death and destruction than Hitler (with his literal killer app) [largely because I honestly agree with him that a massive population bottleneck may very well be the best way we can expect to save the world from our environmental excesses], and somehow managed to have Colin Firth's not-M character seem more morally repugnant.
His training methods are like something out of Saw, except that there's always something that gets pulled out of Mark Millar's ass that makes it so that somehow it's not the certain death they make it out to be (one example that comes to mind is the skydiving without a parachute scene, where, after Eggsy manages to make it down, despite not having a parachute, Harry activates the parachute he aparently had on him the entire time, even though it invalidated the point of the exercise.) This would be okay if Eggsy at least called him out on it, but he doesn't.
Another point that frustrates me to no end is that, when Harry and Eggsy talk in his office, he mentions that "a gentleman should only have his name in the papers three times: when he's born, when he's married, and when he dies," and points out that it's important that the work of Kingsman remain secret. And what happens in the climax? All the world's leaders (and quite a few of its celebrities) get their heads blown up, the villain actually succeeds in making his massacre happen (if only for a few minutes), and the plan gets foiled when the satellites transmitting the app's mind control capabilities get blown up, which will almost certainly end with Kessler Syndrome happening, buggering up humanity's space and satellite programs for millennia. If they had brought it up just once, maybe have Merlin tell Eggsy "Eggsy, this is going to need one bugger of a cover-up" at some point during the climax, this wouldn't be a problem.
Seriously, I came into it expecting to love it, for its rebirth of the campy 1970s, Roger Moore-era, James Bond. Sadly, they fucked it up and I found myself once again looking at how similar I really am to the Unabomber. And looking deeper into his works, I suspect Mark Millar may be the one to blame. He can do some good stories (see Kick-Ass and Nemesis), but it's depressingly easy for him to just go completely off the rails (Trouble, Civil War, The Unfunnies, The Ulti-"You-Think-The-A-On-My-Head-Stands-For-France"-mates.)
His training methods are like something out of Saw, except that there's always something that gets pulled out of Mark Millar's ass that makes it so that somehow it's not the certain death they make it out to be (one example that comes to mind is the skydiving without a parachute scene, where, after Eggsy manages to make it down, despite not having a parachute, Harry activates the parachute he aparently had on him the entire time, even though it invalidated the point of the exercise.) This would be okay if Eggsy at least called him out on it, but he doesn't.
Another point that frustrates me to no end is that, when Harry and Eggsy talk in his office, he mentions that "a gentleman should only have his name in the papers three times: when he's born, when he's married, and when he dies," and points out that it's important that the work of Kingsman remain secret. And what happens in the climax? All the world's leaders (and quite a few of its celebrities) get their heads blown up, the villain actually succeeds in making his massacre happen (if only for a few minutes), and the plan gets foiled when the satellites transmitting the app's mind control capabilities get blown up, which will almost certainly end with Kessler Syndrome happening, buggering up humanity's space and satellite programs for millennia. If they had brought it up just once, maybe have Merlin tell Eggsy "Eggsy, this is going to need one bugger of a cover-up" at some point during the climax, this wouldn't be a problem.
Seriously, I came into it expecting to love it, for its rebirth of the campy 1970s, Roger Moore-era, James Bond. Sadly, they fucked it up and I found myself once again looking at how similar I really am to the Unabomber. And looking deeper into his works, I suspect Mark Millar may be the one to blame. He can do some good stories (see Kick-Ass and Nemesis), but it's depressingly easy for him to just go completely off the rails (Trouble, Civil War, The Unfunnies, The Ulti-"You-Think-The-A-On-My-Head-Stands-For-France"-mates.)
Comparing the Universal Oneness of All Life to Yo Mama since 2010.
![[Image: harmlesskitchen.png]](https://i.postimg.cc/yxR97P23/harmlesskitchen.png)
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
