When my dad died, as Catholic as he was, he did not want a service. For 22 years he sat in a VA (Veterans Administration) nursing home in a wheelchair, paralyzed from the chest down. He had a speech impediment and lost all use of the right side of his his body. He never complained about what happened. We visited every Saturday and brought him home on holidays. He died when I was 24.
Anyway, when he died, he didn't want a fuss made over him. He wanted to be cremated. I complied with everything he asked for. The only thing I couldn't do was spread his ashes over a golf course like he wanted because my sister refused to do that. I was still somewhat religious at that point and I would have felt better had I known there was a service, but regardless of my wants, I was trying to be respectful to my dad.
I guess my point is, we all grieve in different ways. We all need closure in our own way. I'm sorry that you and your sister didn't get to do that. Sometimes in the midst of our own grief, we forget that others are grieving too and we don't realize the impact our beliefs or non-beliefs can have on those around us.
Anyway, when he died, he didn't want a fuss made over him. He wanted to be cremated. I complied with everything he asked for. The only thing I couldn't do was spread his ashes over a golf course like he wanted because my sister refused to do that. I was still somewhat religious at that point and I would have felt better had I known there was a service, but regardless of my wants, I was trying to be respectful to my dad.
I guess my point is, we all grieve in different ways. We all need closure in our own way. I'm sorry that you and your sister didn't get to do that. Sometimes in the midst of our own grief, we forget that others are grieving too and we don't realize the impact our beliefs or non-beliefs can have on those around us.
Disclaimer: I am only responsible for what I say, not what you choose to understand.
