Hello, New atheist having a meltdown

[Dragonfly]

First of all, welcome!  I sincerely hope you find this forum helpful.  There are many kind and supportive people here, and it does help to talk.


Secondly, 


It's going to be ok! 

I'm also a woman, and I was in my 30's when I finally realized I had been believing in a delusion my entire life, so I understand how hard it can be to undergo this as an adult who has spent most of their life inside the delusion.  It can be hard, and you'll feel ungrounded at first.  You might find yourself experiencing some of the stages of grief, like anger or depression.  You might find you become a bit anti-theist for a while, feeling lied to, tricked, or betrayed.  There's a lot to unpack, and you need to be patient with yourself and not punish yourself for any feelings you are going through.  If you feel really anxious or upset, it wouldn't hurt to talk to a professional about it for a session or three.
But if that's too much trouble, someone is always here to listen!

I highly, highly recommend watching this:





She approaches the topic with humor and intelligence, from an adult woman's perspective.  It really helped me get past some tough times in those first 6 months or so.  I hope it helps you, too.

I've been in an online Recovering from Religion group with Dr. Marlene Winell and have been for quite a while. I had thought I was just recovering from my fundamentalist upbringing and never expected I would have my belief in God fall apart (and so abruptly), too. 

I have a phone appointment with a psychologist on Monday. Unfortunately, she isn't a secular therapist. She's Christian, but hopefully she can set that aside and not see this as simply a need for God. 

Thanks for the video recommendation. In the last week I watched an interview with Julia and Richard Dawkins and found it really interesting. I'll watch this one, too.

---

Dear Dragonfly,

The first step in recovering from any addiction - and religion is nothing other than an addiction - is to acknowledge that you need help.  Congratulations for taking the first step.  To paraphrase one of our more religious idiots around here Ask (for help) , Seek (answers) , Get Better. 

I would suggest reading Israel Finkelstein's  "The Bible Unearthed" as it will tell you that the OT is full of shit.... just like the NT.  Finkelstein is an archaeologist so it can be a bit dry in spots but reality is frequently dry.

Thanks. I'll add Finkelstein's book to my reading list--thanks for the recommendation.

---

Just like the end of any long relationship, it takes time to get over it.
My advice is to stick around and talk with atheists often, just to get the feeling that the way you feel is common and normal.
Focus on the positives like the fact that there's no-one watching you 24 hrs/day and you're free to make your own decisions.
And later on down the track when you feel more comfortable in your new skin, try not to get angry about the time you've wasted.
Some people sleep for their whole life. :-)

Thanks. I had a sudden breakup after 50 years, although we were never really happy together.

Hello, 

I was raised in an evangelical Christian fundamentalist home. Fourteen years ago I couldn't take it anymore but couldn't stand the feeling of being "nothing," and Judaism seemed to be a much kinder, truer religion, so I astonished my family by converting to Judaism. I fell away from Judaism over the years, got very religious again a couple of months ago, but just couldn't get anything out of it. Since Rosh Hashanah a couple of weeks ago, I really started searching. I talked with a rabbi, visited a church again and felt totally disillusioned. I've spent countless hours in the last week studying atheism, creationism, religion, philosophy, science, cosmology, evolution, myth, etc., and one by one my beliefs broke. Evolution happened, the world wasn't created in six days, the Big Bang happened, there is no God. I've been hanging onto a delusion out of fear. 

I just came to this realization tonight, and I feel absolutely devastated and lost. I'm a 50-year-old woman who's spent her life making choices based on religion. There is no God to comfort me, guide me, protect me, or intervene in my life. There is no Heaven. I will never see my family, friends, or pets again once they/I die. My entire schema for living has fallen apart. I feel devastated and terrified.  

If you have any guidance, please help me. 

thanks,

dragonfly

Wow, that does sound really scary. I never had to "deconvert," so to speak, so I've never had this experience. Life as your own guiding force and being the one you have to answer to isn't so bad. It'll keep you true to yourself. It will just take some adjustment, I think. There are other ways to assuage your fears other than gods, or you can embrace your fear and live life accordingly. I can understand your fear, though. Nevertheless, living a lie your whole life has to be worse than this transition, so I hope you find comfort in that. We have a lot of "deconverts" here. They probably have more wisdom than I on the topic. Good luck, dragonfly.

Thanks. I'll try to find some experiences similar to mine (the tendency to fall apart rather than feel freed). Maybe that'll help. 

Welcome dragon, to our little band of heathens.

Despite having lived a delusion for fifty years , that says nothing ill about you as a person. And you're still quicker on The uptake than most.

I get that it feels like you are facing an abyss right now. But worry not, you see god has not Pulled you through The half -century . God didn't structure you life and vuilt all that you have. You did that all yourself. Take pride in that. You can face what is coming. It is no different from The past, except that you are continuously wiser.

Very true. It was a drug, and I just went cold turkey. I hope there's a lot of life left. It's amazing to think I've been making the decisions all along. They haven't been great decisions because they were based on wrong information. Maybe I can develop some kind of confidence in my ability to make decisions. I don't have that yet.