Hello, New atheist having a meltdown

[Fireball]

Hey Dragonfly,

I'm also Jewish, and as I was reading your post, I wondered what denomination you converted into. Some Jewish denominations are more like cultural clubs than religions, and even more religious denominations are less about beliefs and more about actions. I'm sorry that you got hurt like this.

I converted Conservative but was leaning to Orthodox with some of my beliefs. I still believed in a literal 6-day creation. I guess a lot of my beliefs from fundamentalist Christianity were carried over, too. I now live across the country from my sponsoring rabbi. He knows I've been having problems of some kind, and I promised I would call him after the high holidays. Now I am dreading it. I don't want to disappoint him or want him to try to persuade me to hang onto Judaism. I feel like I should keep my word. I'm trying to feel out how to approach promises now that I don't believe in God, for one thing. Maybe I'll just give it a while before calling him. I'm in a pretty fragile state right now. 

Thanks for your support. 

Hi, Dragonfly! Consider your earlier life and development to be like the nymphal stages, where you finally emerged at the last molting as an adult  dragonfly. I too felt quite a bit of angst when I realized I was an atheist, given the sort of opprobrium that they were given by the religious.

I like that illustration! Opprobrium, indeed (and I had to look that one up--great word!).

De nada! As far as talking to your rabbi is concerned, I'd like to think that he will respect where your heart and mind have led you. If not, well, not much of a rabbi, imo. Part of being an atheist is reasoning your position out without the aid of people telling you what you should or shouldn't believe or do. Scary as hell, sometimes, but the result is that you can rely on your decisions because they are yours. They will change as you develop and grow, but hey, that's just life. Don't keep yourself locked in a little box of what you think you should do, based on other people's opinions. It's easy for me to say those words, but I'll tell you straight up that at the age of 65, I still have trouble with this. You're not alone in this.