Hello, New atheist having a meltdown

[brewer]

Khemikal,

Thanks for sharing your story. It does help to read your story and realize that grieving is still gut-wrenching for people of all faiths.

In my parents' church, the verse, "But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope," is stressed a lot around the time of death. I remember a couple of children whose parent had died, and they didn't even cry for days, if not ever. Even my mom said that it wasn't normal or healthy not to cry or grieve. When my atheist boyfriend's stepfather recently was dying, my mom said that she hoped he had God because otherwise she didn't know how a person could get through a thing like death. At their church funerals, there's a lot of preaching about the hope they have after death. Their website emphasizes not grieving "as those who don't have hope" and that the grief process is much easier to get through than if you don't have God. It never felt normal to me to hear singing about that glorious day that someone "went home to be with the Lord."

bold mine

This sounds a lot like seventh day adventists. If I'm right, it's no wonder why this is so tough on you.

I've read the rest of your posts and have a suggestion. You might try another psychologist (screened to weed out a theist) or even a psychiatrist. Maybe I'm giving your talk of depression/OCD/anxiety/intrusive thoughts to much weight, but if not, it might be worth a try (again).  

And in the long run, if it turns out you need a god (you get to make your own definition) in your life to be happy, then I'd rather you be happy. There is no sense ruining your life or being miserable over a philosophy or position. I'm awash in a sea of content/happy christians.