(September 26, 2018 at 8:09 pm)Dragonfly Wrote:(September 25, 2018 at 9:09 pm)mh.brewer Wrote: bold mine
This sounds a lot like seventh day adventists. If I'm right, it's no wonder why this is so tough on you.
I've read the rest of your posts and have a suggestion. You might try another psychologist (screened to weed out a theist) or even a psychiatrist. Maybe I'm giving your talk of depression/OCD/anxiety/intrusive thoughts to much weight, but if not, it might be worth a try (again).
And in the long run, if it turns out you need a god (you get to make your own definition) in your life to be happy, then I'd rather you be happy. There is no sense ruining your life or being miserable over a philosophy or position. I'm awash in a sea of content/happy christians.
I see a psychiatrist about once a month, and the psychologist once every two weeks. The psychologist admitted she's biased (Christian) and said she's going to see if there's another therapist who can help me with my existential crisis. I don't think you're giving my OCD talk too much weight. My anxiety is through the roof. I don't know if that was caused by my examining my conditioning or preceded it. All I know is that it feels like I have to have all of the answers *right now!* or I won't be able to handle things if a loved one dies in the meantime. I'm clinging to every moment with my (atheist) boyfriend because I know our time is limited. My fears of Hell (in which I should not believe at this point given my rational mind's conclusion that it doesn't exist) are flooding me. I'm rocking, picking at my skin and nails. I can't seem to focus on anything else but what to believe in and what, if anything, will happen when I die.
Yes, I am afraid that I might need to hang onto some semblance of god. I want to be someone who examines everything critically and makes judgments based on what is rational, but I don't seem to be doing very well at that so far.
Have you seen the psychiatrist since you made your experimental turn to atheism? If not, you might want to try to get in asap. A medication assist might be in order.
What does your atheist boyfriend think about your current state? Hopefully your not making this change because of him. There are lots of people with atheist/religious partnerships. My wife's catholic (not practicing). We're at the point that we just tease each other, I hear the name heathen quite often. She calls AF the whackadoo site. I tell her she's delusional. No harm, no foul. God to her now is just this protective entity that happens to have a life after death place. Other than that she's very rational. Occasionally I need to pull her off the natruopath/herbal ledge but it does not take much.
OK, that's enough. Find a way to be happy, that's my wish for you.
I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem.