(September 26, 2018 at 9:16 pm)mh.brewer Wrote:(September 26, 2018 at 8:09 pm)Dragonfly Wrote: I see a psychiatrist about once a month, and the psychologist once every two weeks. The psychologist admitted she's biased (Christian) and said she's going to see if there's another therapist who can help me with my existential crisis. I don't think you're giving my OCD talk too much weight. My anxiety is through the roof. I don't know if that was caused by my examining my conditioning or preceded it. All I know is that it feels like I have to have all of the answers *right now!* or I won't be able to handle things if a loved one dies in the meantime. I'm clinging to every moment with my (atheist) boyfriend because I know our time is limited. My fears of Hell (in which I should not believe at this point given my rational mind's conclusion that it doesn't exist) are flooding me. I'm rocking, picking at my skin and nails. I can't seem to focus on anything else but what to believe in and what, if anything, will happen when I die.
Yes, I am afraid that I might need to hang onto some semblance of god. I want to be someone who examines everything critically and makes judgments based on what is rational, but I don't seem to be doing very well at that so far.
Have you seen the psychiatrist since you made your experimental turn to atheism? If not, you might want to try to get in asap. A medication assist might be in order.
What does your atheist boyfriend think about your current state? Hopefully your not making this change because of him. There are lots of people with atheist/religious partnerships. My wife's catholic (not practicing). We're at the point that we just tease each other, I hear the name heathen quite often. She calls AF the whackadoo site. I tell her she's delusional. No harm, no foul. God to her now is just this protective entity that happens to have a life after death place. Other than that she's very rational. Occasionally I need to pull her off the natruopath/herbal ledge but it does not take much.
OK, that's enough. Find a way to be happy, that's my wish for you.
No. I see my psychiatrist next week, and I'll definitely mention all of this to her.
I just asked him, and he said, "You're overcoming your programming. You would have come to this conclusion without me." Why? "Because it's an obvious one, and you're a smart person." That I might be losing belief was a concern of mine, but I pressed on with researching. I guess there's no way to know for sure whether it's because of him. Maybe my questioning was aided his by statements, but I'm not sure that means I'm making the change because of him.
