RE: IF you deconverted in midlife, can you help?
October 13, 2018 at 5:52 pm
(This post was last modified: October 13, 2018 at 5:53 pm by Alan V.)
(October 13, 2018 at 3:29 pm)Dragonfly Wrote: Fear of Hell
Existential angst/crisis
Fear of dying -
I became an atheist when I was 50, almost 51, but that last step wasn't difficult for me. By then, I was ready for it.
My struggle came six years earlier, after I gave up studying Sufi mysticism, which had engaged my attention for most of 25 years. For several years afterwards I was semi-depressed and had occasional panic attacks. I worried I would go to hell. I was also very unhappy about the time and efforts I had wasted, and how I had made myself a worse person rather than a better person. During most of that time, I diverted my attention with work and reading. At one point I read Lord of the Rings twice through; when I finished I started over again. I just figured my habitual mind needed time to wear out old habits of thought. I stuck by what I considered true no matter what my fears said. Ultimately my fears wore away, and once I discovered atheist literature I was able to put all my old demons to bed for good.
However, I don't think we ever get over the fear of dying. When the time comes, if the suffering becomes too much I will find some easy out. I don't want to become a financial, emotional, or physical burden to my wife or others.
