IF you deconverted in midlife, can you help?

[HappySkeptic]

2. What kinds of things do you fill the holes with? I am very depressed about losing my elderly parents soon and just the reality that there is no God. I wake up every day and feel this overwhelming sense of loss. I don't want to get out of bed. I am seeing a psychologist who was raised in a cult, and I'm trying to get help with the sense of grief. 

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One of the big questions and fears that I have is how to cope with aging as someone who doesn't believe in God. As you're losing your strength and independence, what do you have to look forward to? How do you deal with the impending extinction that will occur soon? If I were religious, I'd cling to religion and find some hope in that. As someone who doesn't believe in God, I don't know how to have the strength to face those realities in life. I don't hear of old atheists talking about dying soon, and I wish they would. If you have a video recommendation (or book, but I'd think that'd be less helpful), please do share.

I deconverted 6 years ago, though I haven't gone cold-turkey on church.  I am an atheist Unitarian Universalist.  That simply means that I find the community of church, and the quest for ultimate meaning to be valuable, despite not believing in any gods or afterlife.

To "fill the holes", my current philosophy is that each moment of each life has value.  To whom, I'm not sure -- to just that person?  To the universe itself?  I don't know.  I just think that if each moment does not have value, then by extension, nothing has value.

In Christianity, we are taught that an infinite afterlife is far more valuable than anything on Earth.  That is a terrible lie, because not only is there no afterlife, but it is a terrible thing to devalue each moment of life.  In each moment, whether it be painful or joyous, I am a witness to the wonder and mystery of life, and the unfolding of the universe.  When a family member dies, I am a witness to the value of their life, and how their life interconnects with mine and others.  In the future, when no-one remembers us, we will still have existed, and are a part of the fixed history of humanity.

I do not fear the billions of years that I did not exist before I was born.  I don't fear the trillions that will exist after I die.  For me, there is only each moment, as a witness to all the at is good and bad.  If I cannot value this moment, then no moments have value, whether I live 70 years or an infinite number.

I think everyone has to build their own story of meaning.  Mine is constantly evolving.  Mankind has created countless religions to quell their fears.  Forget the myths of the past, and come up with your own story that meshes with what you truly believe.  Good luck!