IF you deconverted in midlife, can you help?

[Dragonfly]

The one thing that I'm taking away from this thread is that some people just can't resist the opportunity to be abusive boundary-violators.  Fuck them and fuck whatever "Holy Spirit" predisposes them to be such insufferable, pretentious and useless assholes.  If I actually needed a reason not to be a Christian...

(stops hyperventilating, unrolls fists, resumes typing)

To the OP:  Although I was skeptical of religion from childhood, it took till well into middle age before I realized that my brain simply doesn't "do" religious faith.  Up until that moment, I had been a religion and philosophy dabbler, looking for a suitable community that I could get enthusiastic about.  When the veil fell away and I realized why I never fit in, it came as a relief.  "Is it me?"  Yes it is, and I'm much happier not trying to play along or "fake it till I make it."

Yes, he knows nothing of boundaries, and he's hijacked a thread in which I really needed help. Christians are some of the best indicators that the Christian god doesn't exist. 

Regarding your history of religion, I'm starting to believe the same. I've tried to make it work all of my life, trying to believe things that are said to have happened thousands of years ago as well as make them somehow relevant for our time. I've loved the crutch, the easy accessibility to God in prayer, the belief that he had everything under control and that there was a divine purpose to everything. I've felt a need to have this god to get through the hard times in life. In belief, however, there was a lot of fear at the bottom of these beliefs. 


Now I'm left with some lingering questions and wondering if there's any reason to attend a Jewish synagogue if it's a liberal one that doesn't take everything literally . I would be welcome I need and want community to turn to, especially when times get hard. The structure, the life-affirming rituals, the community aspect, the emphasis on intellect and study and repairing the world, and so on are really hard to leave behind. I feel defensive about Judaism in these forums, not feeling that liberal Judaism holds many of hte downsides of Christianity and some of the other religions.