IF you deconverted in midlife, can you help?

[Dragonfly]

People change their mind. Atheism is usually a position one is convinced they have no good reason to believe in God.

That stance may change, if you look for proofs on earth, and seek to increase your knowledge. You never know.

Have hope and act on it.  I don't think most religious believe a person who strives to know God and dies ignorant of Him will be punished.

And to be apathetic to the question is irrational since by definition he is the Highest Being and is Worth knowing and getting to know.

And in all this - I would not wait for a Theist like me to prove God.  I may have bad way of presenting proofs and don't articulate what I know well.

Look for those who if God would exist,  are the best possible way to know Him, and would be his representatives.

If you don't give God a chance to prove himself nor his representatives,  and wait for Theists, you might be waiting your whole life and be never satisfied.

And there is always a guide be it hidden or not per my creed, and if you ask God humbly, perhaps he will get him to come to you and show you miracles as in the type Moses and Jesus are reported to have done!

That would be an easy way out but there is too much harm if you are averse to the truth, it may lead you to opposition to the Guide and joining the dark forces, if he shows you miracles and you then move the goal posts and accuse him of being a sorcerer.

So humble your heart, and ask God to guide you to that path and name he has named himself with and the path that is his path, and the guide that is given his authority, and perhaps, through the Guide of age, he will show you miracles, and you won't even need to think of rational proofs, though I am sure after, you would be come acquainted with those and they would be proof among many proofs you have!

You never know - just try it!

I don't think you understand. I'm 50. I've spent my entire LIFE looking for proofs on earth and seeking to increase my knowledge. I tried to fit myself into various belief systems. I've tried to bolster my belief. I asked others to pray for me. I explored. I've prayed, begged, cried, tried, etc., even praying month after month this year: God, please show me who you are, and help me to believe in you. If you are holy, then help me to be like you. If I am resistant to truth, then please help soften my heart and help me to desire to be like you and draw closer to you.

And the prayers only became more and more desperate over the last several months. God, if you can hear me, please help me! I'm losing my belief in you. I really need you to show me you exist. 

And no, nature itself hasn't been enough "evidence." 

And finally, my prayers have dwindled to an occasional flailing of a dying belief: God, I have almost nothing left. Please help.

"Have hope and act on it." 
I'm pretty sure I've tried my best at this one. 

"Look for those who if God would exist, are the best possible way to know Him, and would be his representatives."
I have not found these people to exist. There are good and bad representatives/people in every belief system. The fact that good and bad people can exist outside of belief leads me to think belief might be overrated. 

IF I give God a chance? Are you fucking kidding me? I have been: 

a fundamentalist Christian
an attendee of the Brethren Church
a Baptist
a nondenominational Christian
a deist
someone who spent a month (not long, I'll admit) studying Zen Buddhism and sitting regularly at a zendo
someone who explored paganism
a New Ager
a Jew

I was also schooled in Christian schools for nearly all of my childhood and finished a degree at a Christian college. 

I have given God EVERY CHANCE to show himself to me, but he hasn't. I went looking for God all over, and I couldn't find him.  

"...if you ask God humbly" perhaps he'll show me miracles
Done, and no miracles. 

"That would be an easy way out but there is too much harm if you are averse to the truth, it may lead you to opposition to the Guide and joining the dark forces, if he shows you miracles and you then move the goal posts and accuse him of being a sorcerer."

Which is it? Will he show me miracles or not? Averse to the truth? From everything I've described, do you still think I'm adverse to the truth? Really?

And if I am not finding evidence that God exists, then why would I believe in dark forces or sorcery?

"So humble your heart, and ask God to guide you to that path and name he has named himself with and the path that is his path, and the guide that is given his authority, and perhaps, through the Guide of age, he will show you miracles, and you won't even need to think of rational proofs, though I am sure after, you would be come acquainted with those and they would be proof among many proofs you have!

You never know - just try it!"

Been there, done that, and no miracles or proofs despite lots of trying, praying, searching, begging, pleading. There is no one listening. He is simply not there.