IF you deconverted in midlife, can you help?

[Dragonfly]

You've deliberately hijacked a thread. Maybe you should review the rules. I am the OP, and though things have improved a lot since my initial post, I still need to hear from people here who actually want to help with my original post.

Stick to hope, despair is a dead end.

Thanks, Mystic. Although I don't agree with your beliefs, you're a good guy.

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After I realized how f up religion is in the name of God and eternal life, I had strong suicidal thoughts for the first time in my life.

But I will gradually endure for the rest of the life, because I have things here in this life that needs to be done and after that I will have an eternal sleep where there will be no fear, anger and regret.

Me, too. You suddenly lose your belief in immortality, seeing your loved ones after you die, and that there's a higher purpose to every suffering you endure. And then there's the fact that you may have spent a good portion of your life making decisions based on a belief in God. I have felt a great deal of loss. 

Last night I went to a Skeptics meetup, and a former nun spoke about her deconversion. It was in midlife that she lost her belief in God. She mentioned she was extremely depressed for a while, feeling loss. But gradually she started to realize there is so much left to live for. I think I'll get there eventually. In case you're interested, her book is Out of the Lion's Den: A Little Girl's Mountain Lion Attack, A Mother's Search for Answers by Susan Mattern.