Deconversion and some doubts

[LastPoet]

Hey guys!

I was raised Roman Catholic, at moments I was definitely believing some of this stuff. For example, I tried to stay away from masturbation (not really succeed ), thought that sex desires are somehow sinful and sex before marriage is bad. After moving out to college I went to church handful of times and after confronting my beliefs with my atheist (at the time) roommate I started to seeing how it all could be false.

It's been around 3 years I started deconverting and I'm still not fully atheist. I feel like religion is still capturing my mind. I know that to some of you some of this stuff might sound pretty silly, but maybe some of exbelievers will be able to help me to sort it out.

Okay, so for the starters I find almost no logical reason to believe in god. Like I can see how someone can find pro-theistic arguments convincing when they start from the position that deity exist, but all of them can be easily refuted.

But I have all these feelings. Like anything that is frowned upon by Catholic church is bad, that I know that Christianity is true, that I'm trying to delude myself from truth, that afterlife exists, that atheist are wrong... it's really messing with me. Like if it's all false, why than am I still experiencing this? I'm in my early twenties, I want to have the best time of my life, party, have sex and stuff But there is still this voice in the back of my head, and though I'm trying to do these things, they are accompanied by worries and guilt. I would like to be convinced that god doesn't exist and start living my only life, but I have this inner block. I'm in the constant battle with myself over this. Also I'm really confused and scared why I feel this way.

Can anyone relate? Any tips? If it's also okay in later posts I will question you about some of my doubts about atheism in later posts. Thanks!

Well, ex catholic here, but I denounced it very early at 11. I still tried protestantism, and seeing it as the same shit with a different odour, tried eastern religions (islam nope, just rehashed judaism and christianity). I went to seek eastern religions, but different they may be, still a conjunction of platitudes with ancient notions.

I still felt by 17 that voice in my head, turns out it was me, talking to myself, mostly right in hindsight. I can make a thread about human decision making and the inner thought that sometimes is right, sometimes is wrong and when we are wrong, scolds you for not doing the right thing. Very catholic.

Takes time, but by my 25th year, I couldn't care about god anymore and since religious people here in Portugal are very respectful, I felt ok. Yet I found that there aren't places with such luck, so I joined the war of calling them out for bullshit.

Worries you will forever have, about your family, your friends, I don't think its a bad thing. Guilt however is what the catolic church does to you.