(July 16, 2020 at 5:32 am)ModusPonens1 Wrote:(July 15, 2020 at 7:44 pm)Gnomey Wrote: I'm someone who believes that there good be thousands of "perfect" matches out there for me. I'm very lucky to be with one of them right now. But if I were to ever lose him, for whatever reason, I don't think I'd lose hope - I know there must be more awesome people out there. Obviously, I'd be devastated - I love my partner like crazy. It's perfectly normal to mourn someone you've lost. Feel the grief, experience it. Examine it. Work your way through it in whatever way works best for you. On the other side of it, when you're ready, you can start meeting new people. You never know - someone may surprise you.
I also know that there are thousands of other perfect people out there for me. But there are 7 billion people on this planet and I just think such people are so incredibly rare to find that finding one of them is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Don't get me wrong, there are other relationships out there that might leave me better off than being single. Perhaps. But I am starting to doubt that too.
The problem is that it seems to me that I would always be settling for second best because although it may be true that there are plenty of fish in the sea the truth is that each of us only get to be with all the fish in a single pond and the likelihood that I haven't found the best fish in that pond is very small. I could settle for other fish in the pond that are still good for me ... but I'll never find another one like the #1 fish that I already found.
Let's put it this way ... in life we often have multiple relationships and at some point we find the best relationship in our life. That best relationship could be your first relationship or your last relationship or it could be somewhere in the middle. In my case I believe it's the person I've just been with and it's somewhere in the middle. The chances that future relationships will be good for me are good. The chances that I'll ever find someone that good for me are basically nonexistent, it seems to me. So the question is, now what?
And the problem is. Once I recognize this then future relationships may be "fun" but they will always be settling for second best. And so, they will be shallow to me. So, they will be good for me, maybe, but will they even be any better than being single? I can be happy being single and I'm not sure that settling for a second best relationship is any better than being single.
I don't think there's literally one person in life that is 'meant for us' who we are 'meant to be with'. But I do understand why so many people feel that way because while it isn't literally true I do think it's effectively true. At least to us monogamous romantics.
Something else to consider that's already been mentioned on this thread:
There may only be so many fish in your pond, but those fish change over time, in the same way you change over time. If I had met my fish five years ago, we would NOT have worked, and I'd have assumed that fish would never be for me.
Another thing: relationships are about two people. So, while they may have been perfect for you, you may not have been perfect for them (though I'm sure you're perfect for someone!!). If you weren't perfect for them, they're definitely not perfect for you.
There are also ways of exploring new ponds, or expanding the one you're in! The internet is a wonderful thing, my friend. You might also want to try to adjust the way you look at relationships. It's tempting to rate the people you've been with on the "perfect for me or not" scale. But instead, if you just see them as different, you might find a new perspective. Comparing people to each other may not be the way to go.
