So, back when I was a Christian I used to be fascinated with the Adam and Eve story. We know so little about them so I always liked to think what was going through their minds and their feelings on things as shit went down in the first couple of chapters of Genesis. Now that I've been enlightened I thought it'd be fun to review this story through new eyes and simply tear it apart. Okay, here we go!
First off you have God creating the Earth. For some reason it takes him six days to do it and he needs to rest on the seventh. This shows that God can get tired. But if God can get tired then he's not all powerful and all that shit. Also if he is all powerful why does it take him six days to create the Earth (which some believe to be thousands of years) why can't he simply snap his fingers and BOOM! Earth. What's up with that?
Then he makes Adam out of dirt. Adam has no childhood nor knows what a childhood even is. He's immediately made as an adult with adult responsibilities. He also apparently was creative enough to come up with names for every single animal that ever existed. Go Adam!
Do I want to include the Lilith story in this...? Nah I'll save her for another time.
Anyway God decides that Adam needs a companion so after the animals weren't enough for him he puts him into a deep sleep and RIPS OUT ONE OF HIS FUCKING RIBS AND MAKES WOMAN! I don't care how deep of a sleep you put him in, if someone took out one of my ribs I'd be waking up screaming!
Then Eve was created and Adam was content because hey naked lady. Oh, but they don't know they're naked at this point. How the hell do they not know they're naked? Are they legally blind? Do they even know their own bodies? Asking for a friend.
Anyway, apparently the Garden of Eden didn't have good security because Satan sneaks in disguised as a snake and tells Eve to eat from that tree that God put there just to tell them not to eat from it. And for some reason Eve doesn't find it weird that a snake is talking to her. Naturally she does what any human would've done when told not to do something, and did it. Where's Adam? I don't know. Probably still pining over Lilith somewhere. Eve gives the fruit to Adam and then God is like, "You motherfuckers!"
Oh and now Adam and Eve knew they were naked. That must've been some fruit.
So God punishes everyone. He punishes snakes even though the snake is supposed to be Satan so it makes no sense to punish snakes in general. NOT ALL SNAKES! Then he does Eve and Adam rotten and kick them out of the garden and only THEN does he put a freaking guard and a flaming sword at the entrance so people can't get in. You couldn't have done that sooner!?
Also there was another tree that Adam and Eve could've eaten from that God never made forbidden. The tree of life that would've made them live forever. So immortality is okay, but having knowledge of good and evil is not okay. What?
Overall, Adam and Eve were done rotten with a flawed garden that had a tree they couldn't eat from, making them want to eat from it more, and no security to keep God's biggest enemy out from ruining everything for everyone. So what does Adam do? Have sex with Eve. I mean I would.
The End.
First off you have God creating the Earth. For some reason it takes him six days to do it and he needs to rest on the seventh. This shows that God can get tired. But if God can get tired then he's not all powerful and all that shit. Also if he is all powerful why does it take him six days to create the Earth (which some believe to be thousands of years) why can't he simply snap his fingers and BOOM! Earth. What's up with that?
Then he makes Adam out of dirt. Adam has no childhood nor knows what a childhood even is. He's immediately made as an adult with adult responsibilities. He also apparently was creative enough to come up with names for every single animal that ever existed. Go Adam!
Do I want to include the Lilith story in this...? Nah I'll save her for another time.
Anyway God decides that Adam needs a companion so after the animals weren't enough for him he puts him into a deep sleep and RIPS OUT ONE OF HIS FUCKING RIBS AND MAKES WOMAN! I don't care how deep of a sleep you put him in, if someone took out one of my ribs I'd be waking up screaming!
Then Eve was created and Adam was content because hey naked lady. Oh, but they don't know they're naked at this point. How the hell do they not know they're naked? Are they legally blind? Do they even know their own bodies? Asking for a friend.
Anyway, apparently the Garden of Eden didn't have good security because Satan sneaks in disguised as a snake and tells Eve to eat from that tree that God put there just to tell them not to eat from it. And for some reason Eve doesn't find it weird that a snake is talking to her. Naturally she does what any human would've done when told not to do something, and did it. Where's Adam? I don't know. Probably still pining over Lilith somewhere. Eve gives the fruit to Adam and then God is like, "You motherfuckers!"
Oh and now Adam and Eve knew they were naked. That must've been some fruit.
So God punishes everyone. He punishes snakes even though the snake is supposed to be Satan so it makes no sense to punish snakes in general. NOT ALL SNAKES! Then he does Eve and Adam rotten and kick them out of the garden and only THEN does he put a freaking guard and a flaming sword at the entrance so people can't get in. You couldn't have done that sooner!?
Also there was another tree that Adam and Eve could've eaten from that God never made forbidden. The tree of life that would've made them live forever. So immortality is okay, but having knowledge of good and evil is not okay. What?
Overall, Adam and Eve were done rotten with a flawed garden that had a tree they couldn't eat from, making them want to eat from it more, and no security to keep God's biggest enemy out from ruining everything for everyone. So what does Adam do? Have sex with Eve. I mean I would.
The End.
![[Image: Ip4ZfOm.png]](https://i.imgur.com/Ip4ZfOm.png)
