It Wasn't Me

[snowtracks]

My wife is a Christian, and because I'm a nice guy, and I love my wife and want to keep her happy, I occasionally attend church services with her. She seems to enjoy herself while there, and she gets along with the other ladies very well. I'm not terribly offended by the religious nonsense promulgated there at the church, but I have noticed an annoying trend among Christian churches, and especially Christian men in particular. 

The men there will say things like.... "Every man's battle" (referring to p*rnography), and claim that "all men" struggle with certain things in the current worldly culture. Things like, p*rn, addiction, anger, lust, finding a "purpose" and the like, and while I understand that many men do indeed have such challenges, it seems to me that those who "trust in Jesus" should have an extra level of protection from such matters, and sadly, this doesn't seem to be the case.

I recently attended a "men's breakfast meeting" where the speaker shared his trouble with addiction and sexual impurity (thoughts, images, etc). He said.... "But praise God, I only look at p*rn about once every one or two months". Now, this man says he's been a Christian for 30 years, and that God has slowly freed him from his compulsions, but that God is "taking his time" to "heal" him from "bondage" (interesting word choice for this application).

Oh boy. Where to start? First, I'm appalled by the Christian mantra that goes something like.... "I'll never be perfect" or "I'll always be a sinner in this life". I've always found such ruminations disempowering and self-defeating. I myself gave up booze, p*rn, and anger many years ago - all without the "help of Jesus". I've never gone back to those former patterns and I have no desire to, nor any fear that I may do so. I simply had enough of that life, and I traded it for sobriety, peace, and purity of thought - all without the "help of Jesus".

Now, I must cool my jets here, lest I become haughty or braggadocios, which is not my intention, and may otherwise cloud my thoughts, thus creating an attitude where I myself may fall under the wheel of being "special" or in some way appearing that I'm somehow better than these men in certain ways - I am not. I have simply found a lifestyle and a worldview which permits me to be selective in which thoughts, actions, and attitudes may rule my life, and thus, I have no need of a "savior" other than my own mental faculties and experiential application through trial and error. That being said, I'm not comparing myself with or against these men, but rather, I'm expressing my great frustration with the "praise Jesus" attitude when it comes to practical matters, and especially those concerning the shedding of former patterns which have worn out their welcome in one's life.

How is it that people (men and women) who claim to be in the care of the "creator of everything" just can't seem to conquer basic challenges without appealing to some outside force for assistance or guidance? Could it be that "Jesus" is, for them, as he's always been - a scapegoat? The bible speaks of not persisting in sin that grace may abound (crucifying the Lord afresh), and also says that believers can do "all things" through Christ who strengthens them, yet many continue living a life they claim they no longer desire, all while continuing to cling to a Jesus that apparently has no ability to release them from old patterns.

I take full responsibility for my former ways, and I hold myself to a standard that I have set for myself. No cosmic daddy is going to help me, free me, or curse me along my path - I'm in this one on my own. I create the life I desire through hard work and a strong determination to improve (as I define it). I am not a "good person" nor do I particularly even know or care what that means, and so, the "he thinks he's going to heaven because he's a good person" line doesn't apply to me. Heck, what is heaven, and what is a "good person"?

In conclusion, I'm frustrated with the escapism I see in the Christian faith - it excuses bad attitudes and behaviors as "acts of the devil" and gives credit to a god for any hope for self-correction or personal betterment, all while also saying that this god/helper allows them to carry on with whatever [sins] they're into until some mysterious afterlife, where all things will be wonderful, and they will be perfected. I say... how about one takes personal responsibility for their own failures and successes, and ditch the antagonist, scapegoat, and otherly helper (who is apparently far off), in favor of rolling up your sleeves, accepting responsibility for the good and bad, and getting on with the business at hand; namely, owning your shit.

Some really insightful observations. One thing people need to be careful of is the 'Captain of my own ship (correctly spelled)' attitude, lest they stumble from pride.