That Trans Thread

[arewethereyet]

I don't regret any of my tattoos but as someone who had breast reconstruction after bilateral mastectomy, I can say that I wish, almost daily, that I hadn't gone with the reconstruction.  I have dealt with varying degrees of pain since I had it done.  

To me, the difference is I wanted the tattoos and choose freely to get them.  I sort of felt like I had to have the reconstruction...society expects women to have boobs.  I caved on that one and wish I had gone with removal and stopped at that.  I was pressured to have fake nipples made by the doctor but opted not to bother.

I wish that my boobs were bigger.

If you have said I missed it as far as your breast status.

When they removed mine, I was left with muscle over bone.  No breast tissue at all was left (at least under 5% is what I was told).  To make room for eventual implants, tissue expanders were inserted while I was still on the operating table.  They are basically water balloons covered with sandpaper.  They have a port so that saline can be injected to increase the size over time to accept the implants.  The sandpaper is to cause constant irritation to help keep scar tissue from forming.  This is as miserable as it gets.  You can't even breathe without feeling the scratching against your chest muscles and your breast bone.  There is no escaping it.  Pain meds don't help...nothing helps.  They are AWFUL.  I was kind of lucky in that my time stuck with them was less than it is for many (probably because I didn't opt for big boobs) but from the end of October to the middle of the following March, it was an agonizing process.  Not to mention that it was worse with each injection of saline.  

There are other methods.  I hope that the process is better now than it was 13 years ago as I wouldn't wish it on anyone.  Though the expanders are long gone, there has been residual discomfort-pain since the whole thing started.  Some days are not so bad but no days are without the awareness of being physically uncomfortable.