RE: How did you become an atheist?
March 11, 2012 at 7:38 pm
(This post was last modified: March 11, 2012 at 7:40 pm by Neo-Scholastic.)
I grew up in a Methodist/UCC church and was confirmed as a member at 12. It was mostly a community organization and generally moderate. Some members were very evangelical but not offensively so. Occationally, some para-ministry would lecture our youth group on the evils of rock music and role-playing games. As teenagers we pretty much laughed at that. We had a really cool youth group leader. The meetings started with a prayer and then we broke out the Avalon Hill war games.
When I started high school my civics teacher introduced me to Existentialism. At that age the idea of being fully responsible for my choices and the course of my life appealed to me. It was up to me to define myself and give life meaning. I read a lot of Nietzsche. Memorized some. I found Nietzsche inspirational. I wanted to overcome the beliefs that limited me and rise above the conventions of society and the petty stupidity of High School. In short I had a lot of ambition.
All through most of college I had these parallel belief systems: the Christian and the Existentialist. That didn't really bother me all that much. I went to a lot of off-campus lectures all kinds of stuff from anarchy to objectivism...mostly out of curiousity.
All this time I was generally content with contemplation in the Here and Now. Existentialism forced me to confront the possibility that I would die a meaningless life. And surprisingly I was okay with that...I didn't feel the need to life forever. Although I majored in architecture I took every philosophy elective I could. My favorites were Ancient and Philosophy of Mind. They gave my mind lots more to ponder.
Having made peace with a short and limited life, I started to think about prayer. Did it matter much? In the end you're just praying for God's will to happen which I supposed would happen whether I prayed or not. Seemed pretty pointless. Since childhood, I loved science, so no problems there and since god was seemed like an extra and unnecessary concept I concluded after much reflection that I was for all intents and purposes an atheist.
Ultimately I embraced nihilism, because to me that was the only honest logical conclusion of a universe without god. It never really effected my life. I still did what I thought was right, good, and worthy. I continued as an atheist for about 15 years.
So even though I am a Christian now I can respect and understand people who choose not to be religious or believe in god.
When I started high school my civics teacher introduced me to Existentialism. At that age the idea of being fully responsible for my choices and the course of my life appealed to me. It was up to me to define myself and give life meaning. I read a lot of Nietzsche. Memorized some. I found Nietzsche inspirational. I wanted to overcome the beliefs that limited me and rise above the conventions of society and the petty stupidity of High School. In short I had a lot of ambition.
All through most of college I had these parallel belief systems: the Christian and the Existentialist. That didn't really bother me all that much. I went to a lot of off-campus lectures all kinds of stuff from anarchy to objectivism...mostly out of curiousity.
All this time I was generally content with contemplation in the Here and Now. Existentialism forced me to confront the possibility that I would die a meaningless life. And surprisingly I was okay with that...I didn't feel the need to life forever. Although I majored in architecture I took every philosophy elective I could. My favorites were Ancient and Philosophy of Mind. They gave my mind lots more to ponder.
Having made peace with a short and limited life, I started to think about prayer. Did it matter much? In the end you're just praying for God's will to happen which I supposed would happen whether I prayed or not. Seemed pretty pointless. Since childhood, I loved science, so no problems there and since god was seemed like an extra and unnecessary concept I concluded after much reflection that I was for all intents and purposes an atheist.
Ultimately I embraced nihilism, because to me that was the only honest logical conclusion of a universe without god. It never really effected my life. I still did what I thought was right, good, and worthy. I continued as an atheist for about 15 years.
So even though I am a Christian now I can respect and understand people who choose not to be religious or believe in god.
