Romney Receives Standing Ovations from National Association of Rich White People
Candidate Wows NARWP Annual Meeting
GRAND CAYMAN (The Borowitz Report) – What a difference a day makes.
One day after being booed at the NAACP annual meeting in Houston, Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney received multiple standing ovations at the meeting of the National Association of Rich White People.
It was tough sledding for Mr. Romney the day before, when he struck the wrong chord by telling the NAACP members: “I love Black people. I’m good friends with the bankers who foreclosed on your homes.”
But the former Massachusetts governor seemed to regain his footing in front of the NARWP, who held their annual meeting on the island of Grand Cayman, home to much of Mr. Romney’s money.
“People who say the top 1% run America are dead wrong. It’s the top .0001%,” Mr. Romney said, bringing the NARWP members to their feet.
The Republican’s speech, which was interrupted by twenty-seven standing ovations, featured proposals that were hugely popular with the NARWP faithful, as Mr. Romney favored legalizing marriage between a man and a corporation, as well as an extension of white truffle season.
“Mitt Romney is worth his weight in gold,” said billionaire David Koch, who attended the meeting, “and that’s exactly what I paid for him.”
In other news, tensions between North Korea and the Walt Disney Company continued to mount, causing some to worry that the confrontation could soon become nuclear.
One day after Disney accused North Korea of using many of the company’s characters without licensing agreements, North Korean leader Kim Jong-un claimed that some of the most famous Disney characters were actually stolen from North Korea.
“The character of the dwarf Grumpy was clearly based on my dad,” Mr. Kim said.
Candidate Wows NARWP Annual Meeting
GRAND CAYMAN (The Borowitz Report) – What a difference a day makes.
One day after being booed at the NAACP annual meeting in Houston, Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney received multiple standing ovations at the meeting of the National Association of Rich White People.
It was tough sledding for Mr. Romney the day before, when he struck the wrong chord by telling the NAACP members: “I love Black people. I’m good friends with the bankers who foreclosed on your homes.”
But the former Massachusetts governor seemed to regain his footing in front of the NARWP, who held their annual meeting on the island of Grand Cayman, home to much of Mr. Romney’s money.
“People who say the top 1% run America are dead wrong. It’s the top .0001%,” Mr. Romney said, bringing the NARWP members to their feet.
The Republican’s speech, which was interrupted by twenty-seven standing ovations, featured proposals that were hugely popular with the NARWP faithful, as Mr. Romney favored legalizing marriage between a man and a corporation, as well as an extension of white truffle season.
“Mitt Romney is worth his weight in gold,” said billionaire David Koch, who attended the meeting, “and that’s exactly what I paid for him.”
In other news, tensions between North Korea and the Walt Disney Company continued to mount, causing some to worry that the confrontation could soon become nuclear.
One day after Disney accused North Korea of using many of the company’s characters without licensing agreements, North Korean leader Kim Jong-un claimed that some of the most famous Disney characters were actually stolen from North Korea.
“The character of the dwarf Grumpy was clearly based on my dad,” Mr. Kim said.
