Well, BDSM has a lot of permutations. Bondage I'm very fond of but also I like the loss of control in general as well - the giving over of power. There are a lot of reasons for this, but none of them are unhealthy or have to do with abuse. Most of it usually has to do with the fact that I was constantly the dominant personality in my groups of friends and it's nice to give over decisions and control to someone else. It's much more complex than a lot of people know about from pop psych. A lot of people also don't understand the intense level of trust you have to have with someone to engage in pain-play. That's why there are safewords. The Dom/Domme has to have an almost hyper-awareness of what their sub can handle, and the sub has to trust them to know it, and on the flip side a Dom has to be able to trust that the sub will give their safe word if they feel at all uncomfortable about what's going on. In this way, with trust, there are no worries.
Also, a lot of people don't know that after the pain, I usually get pampered like a princess by whoever was 'using' me roughly. That's another side of it that people don't realize - giving over control is as much about being cared for as it is "enduring" things. I was so used to caring for myself and being made to feel guilty if someone else had to, that I have a very hard time allowing myself to be lavished over. If I give over control of a situation to someone in that special way, it is easier to make myself relax and let go of the anxieties I get about it.
I cope with life by understanding what I am - every facet - as much as possible, and not being ashamed or bothered by it. I went through some rough depression for a while, but that's about the worst of it. I'm too mean and stubborn to stay down long. While I will never get an apology for what I went through, it has been worked through and it's very rare that I suffer any effects from it. You're more likely to get irrational moods from me due to PMS than anything in my past.
It is good you found something to help you cope, but I assume you've also had discussions with your healthcare professional about other things that could help? I'm not against using drugs sensibly to aid things, especially medically.
Also, a lot of people don't know that after the pain, I usually get pampered like a princess by whoever was 'using' me roughly. That's another side of it that people don't realize - giving over control is as much about being cared for as it is "enduring" things. I was so used to caring for myself and being made to feel guilty if someone else had to, that I have a very hard time allowing myself to be lavished over. If I give over control of a situation to someone in that special way, it is easier to make myself relax and let go of the anxieties I get about it.
I cope with life by understanding what I am - every facet - as much as possible, and not being ashamed or bothered by it. I went through some rough depression for a while, but that's about the worst of it. I'm too mean and stubborn to stay down long. While I will never get an apology for what I went through, it has been worked through and it's very rare that I suffer any effects from it. You're more likely to get irrational moods from me due to PMS than anything in my past.
It is good you found something to help you cope, but I assume you've also had discussions with your healthcare professional about other things that could help? I'm not against using drugs sensibly to aid things, especially medically.
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