Sounds like you have an incredibly poor understanding of Christianity if as you stated a couple of times you actually feared hell/ saw belief as something to include fear. Not that this is so unheard of. Fear is the opposite to the message of Jesus.
Of course you're going to doubt. Every human being honest with themselves is. Nothing wrong with discovering your position and declaring it.
Of course you're going to doubt. Every human being honest with themselves is. Nothing wrong with discovering your position and declaring it.

