Mentality of a Troll

[Eilonnwy]

LJ is livejournal. This is mine. It's like a blog, but has some distinctive features. One of them is that you can protect entries to be read by only yourself, your entire friends lists, or even specific people on your friends list. Your friends page aggregates LJ posts by your friends and if it has a little lock icon next to it, it means you have permission to view the post when you're logged in. I use it as a personal "blog" and as an online way of keeping in touch with friends that is a little more personal than Twitter and Facebook, especially given the "friends locked post" features. On Lj I am selective of who I friend back where on Facebook, I accept every friend request.

I made a post only available to people on my friends list about something that had happened, which isn't a terrible secret but...well here's the full story.

I work for Anime Boston, an anime convention, as the Director of Registration. In 2008 there was a disaster in registration where people waited 8 hours in line to register. It was a mess and I took full responsibility even though I didn't make the decisions that lead to the problems. (It was a disaster on many ends and I ended up being Dir. of Reg because the one elected quit and I stepped in late in the game. I literally got handed a mess.) I also got very sick that weekend, I had just developed lactose intolerance and it had been two months since I had surgery. I persevered, made it through the weekend. And of course I got nothing but complaints and crap from people, which I took and handled because I knew people would be upset with me even if in truth it wasn't my fault. So I made an LJ post to vent about my feelings to friends as well as what I went through with my illness, but I didn't want it to be "public knowledge". I didn't think the public should feel sorry for me, I just wanted to let my friends know what was going on. (At the time I didn't know it was lactose intolerance and thought something was severely wrong with me because every time I ate I threw up) Anyway, the post was leaked to 4chan and cosplay fucks. 4chan is populated by a lot of anime convention nerds and congoers, AB is kind of a big deal with 15k in attendance, especially in their sub forum CGL which is dedicated to cosplay. Anyway, People insulted me as an attention seeking crybaby, etc... A podcast that invited me on their show, which I refused because I was so sick and I didn't feel up to it, read the post on it.

I found out a year later about this. I knew CGL would trash me horribly, so I avoided it. I instead focused on legitimate feedback posted in the AB forums and took my beatings there. I didn't think my post would ever be leaked, I stupidly trusted these people on my "friends list" many of which I would trust with my life, but others no better than acquaintances. Also none of my friends that knew bothered to tell me this happened, I still have no idea who leaked the post thanks to anonymous posting. I guess I also thought the rage would be at AB and that I wouldn't be a big enough concern to attack personally. I have a tendency assume nobody knows I exist and get surprised sometimes when I find people talking about me, whether negative or positive.

Granted what I went through is nothing in comparison to some of the things that happens when 4chan really gets on your case. I was just some "reg head" that people called a cunt and alcoholic who embarrasses everyone. I have a friend who has become a huge target of 4chan, to the point someone posted her phone number on the site so they could troll her.

It's a serious problem. I think people have the right to be anonymous online but they shouldn't then be permitted to do such horrible things to other people.

On a side note, in 2009 I was Reg Director again and the line was the shortest and fastest line ever for a convention our size. I fucking rocked that shit.