Problems with the theory of evolution.

[Cyberman]

I'm ever so glad this isn't in the Intro section.
Sorry, but I'm not buying this for a second. Obvious poe is obvious. There are far too many "sounds silly", "doesn't make much sense to me", "whatever that means", "lol" etc for this to be anything other than a distillation of stereotype creationists - a YEC smoothie, if you will - and not a very good one. Whatever you allegedly find inconsistencies with, it certainly isn't evolution.

However, that doesn't mean we can't have fun with you. Everyone else has had a go so I'm going to play too.

I'm a young earth creationist. I believe that God created the earth approximately 5,000-6,000 years ago, and there is a good reason for this belief.

Shame you never mention this again. I'd rather like the whole class to hear your good reason.

During a supernova, when a massive star explodes at the end of its life, the resulting high energy environment enables the creation of some of the heaviest elements including iron and nickel. The explosion also disperses the different elements across the universe, scattering the stardust which now makes up planets including Earth. Any element heavier than hydrogen is ultimately a product of the nuclear fusion that takes place within stars.

So apparently we are living beings that evolved from lifeless materials.

Yes, because you can totally reach that conclusion from what you quoted. Well, you've convinced me.

It doesn't make much sense to me because last weekend I was sitting by a lake pondering God's marvelous creation when I picked up a rock and stared at it. It suddenly dawned on me that if that very rock was 4.6 billion years old like athiest scientists say it is, then rocks would have evolved into intelligent creatures also. If evolution really was true and we all evolved from lifeless materials over 4.6 billion years, then that rock should also be a mammal or an insect or something by now.

Funny you should say that. I was sitting by a lake the other day, an iced drink in my hand and pondering how some idiots want to look at the world and imagine they see a god in it. Suddenly it dawned on me that if the Earth was really 4.6 billion years old and the laws of thermodynamics were true, then all the water in the world should be ice like in my drink. But there it is, still liquid. Then I went and sat out of the sun until I felt better.

But there it was, still a useless rock, just sitting there. No brain, no self-awareness. Nothing.

... Nah, too easy.

Now here's what I'm getting at... atheist scientists say that life evolved around 3 billion years ago, so this would mean that human beings alone (excluding animals) would have consumed 9.5 times the amount of water on this planet. This is obviously impossible, because if this were true our oceans would be completely drained by now. So how do we still have large amounts of unused water?

Even granting your ridiculous calculations, your interpretation of them relies on humans drinking water three billion years ago. Raise your hand if you can spot the deliberate mistake. Anyone?

One more quick thing. If there is no oxygen in space, then how does the sun keep burning? We all know that fire needs oxygen to keep burning.

The exact same way that Hiroshima and Nagasaki got flattened.

I'm disappointed. You left out my favourite one, about why do we still have monkeys. But then that would have referenced evolution and spoiled your act. I'm going to do a Simon Cowell and tell you how shit I think you are. Maybe come back with better material.

---

Ok guys, let's make a pool: Is she a hit and run, or will she come back? And in case she comes back, will she whine about how mean atheists are or will she continue to troll? Place your bets, place your bets! The winner gets 1000 Internets!

I wager four hundred quatloos on the newcomer.