reason vs faith vs reality

[wandering soul]

yes, 60 is the new 40. We baby boomers are still revising definitions!

I turn 40 next year, what is that the new of?

chuckle! well using the same math that would make you 20! But I'm not sure you want to go back that far. I know the difference in my life between 20 and 30 was gaining a whole lot more control of my life and confidence in my own perceptions; making better decisions; knowing how to better navigate the complicated world of the working world; to be an actor in the world instead of being acted on. And by 40 I was even better at all of that.

maybe you just want to revert to 30!

and for those of you looking to your futures, I can say that after 60 has made me remarkably more comfortable with my life though my life hasn't actually changed so much. It does get better. I wouldn't have believed it since from about 15 I was convinced that life was a horrible mistake and I just wanted out. I'm glad I hung in there. For many years I just made it through by going one day at a time. But although I cannot say my life is good, my experience of my life is pretty good most of the time.

---

To be honest, I'm mostly not looking for greater understanding anymore. I've grown content. What has my interest now is the fact that our whole symbolic language using, conscious brain is a fairly recent add on to what should still be a completely functional mammalian brain. Except for direct communication with our own species, I like most when I can sink into purposeful activity without words. I have sworn off discursive thought for all other purposes. I still note realizations that come in that form but I'm less hungry for them. I don't wish to produce self speech. I want instead to make more time to live in and appreciate my mammalian brain.

I like this line of thought. Maybe I'll post it as a new topic. Although pursuing this line of thought as a discussion would actually be counter to the idea itself! :-)

I also love immersing myself in non-verbal and unmediated experience - primarily working in the yard, building things for the house, grooming and playing with the dogs. But the part of me that is the artist and writer pushes me to create; I feel the need to make images, poetry, and writing about stuff that I encounter or think about.

I want to give your idea above some more thought.

In my twenties I was more spiritual, a peak bagger, looking to get further and further above it all. I think it was my success and excess in seeking spiritual heights which precipitated my one and -thus far- only episode of depression. Where spirit gives detachment, soul is like enmeshment. In Star Wars terms, soul is Dagobah. Soul is the actuality of that which isn't transcendible within. Spirituality without soul is escapism. I've given up being a spiritual cowboy for being a soul-man. I serve soul enthusiastically and am grateful to be included. I think depression may be estrangement from soul, whatever the biomedical signature of that may be.

Another very intriguing line of thought. In my twenties I was just breaking out of my familial reality structures and discovering personal empowerment. But without any alternative reality structures to inhabit I sort of wandered around a lot mentally... with a lot of anger!

I wonder how my life would have turned out if I'd encountered Alan Watts or a teacher who brought out Watts' work, or James Hillman when I was in my 20s. Actually for the next decade I was just enjoying working, buying clothes, hanging out with friends. I completely externalized myself and didn't think about life much at all.