How to Train a Mormon

[Bad Writer]

I had the expectation that I would jump out of my car and people would ask, “Why are you glowing?!” “Why are you so happy?” “Tell me about the church you believe in.”

That's the problem with every fundamentalist Christian out there. They think they're so incredibly happy because of their religion, and they feel the need to share it with everyone else. They don't get that those of us without a religion are just as happy, and they fail to see how anyone could be without their special brand of BS.

Mormons believe they literally glow. When I was at the missionary training center some douchebag church authority visited my class and told us that he could see observable light coming from our eyes. It was one of those times that I thought to myself "man, this is going to be a long two years".