(October 30, 2013 at 10:02 am)Mxwll Wrote: Something has recently happened, and has occurred before, that makes me think otherwise. My older one has been boasting about material possessions to a younger and (perceived by him) as a less well off child.Welcome Mxwll, atheist dad of 1 here. A few thoughts spring to mind with this challenge but I'll admit, before I start, that I've not faced it myself.
Given that this has happened more than once and is not in any way how Mrs M. or I lead our lives, living solely by example is not working.
It could be that there's some lessons of empathy or sympathy to be reinforced. Use this situation as an opportunity to get your eldest to practice putting themselves in the other kid's shoes. It could be that the knowledge of how to act is in your son's head but trapped there through a lack of use. I know that my boy has trouble learning lessons until he gets to put them in to practice and intellectual lessons are often the most difficult to roleplay. Have you tried expanding his horizons as to people's access to resources; showing him about the why's & wherefore's of poverty and financial class distinction?
Another possibility is that your eldest is trying to assert social dominance using age & access to resources as the alpha criteria. This type of competition is common but bellittling others can be a slippery slope towards dehumanisation & bullying. Like most parents, you probably encourage criteria such as kindness, being a team player, intellectual honesty and the like as better criteria for increasing your kids' social status but in practice, often it's easier to disclude based on differences rather than include based on shared goals. Maybe showing him how to achieve a better social dynamic or highlighting the social suicide of bullies might work?
If you think that he's of an age where he's starting to question your influence (as is typical of young adolescents) and consequently rejecting your lessons, have you tried using other role models as exemplars?
Sum ergo sum
