I'm so sorry Futile. It's horrible to hear that someone would want to kill their sire (I can't call him a father, since the 'title' implies to me that he would have done at least something good for you) as a child, but I understand completely why. As for your relationship with abusive people, I think it's good you know the reason why you do it, but at least what I gather from your post, you would not have done anything different. Understanding and accepting this might be the way to break the vicious cycle and the last hold he has on you. (I'm sorry if I'm being presumptuous, I do not wish to offend you.)
When I was young, there was a god with infinite power protecting me. Is there anyone else who felt that way? And was sure about it? but the first time I fell in love, I was thrown down - or maybe I broke free - and I bade farewell to God and became human. Now I don't have God's protection, and I walk on the ground without wings, but I don't regret this hardship. I want to live as a person. -Arina Tanemura
