what should i do, need help!
November 15, 2013 at 10:40 am
(This post was last modified: November 15, 2013 at 10:44 am by leodeo.)
I'm trying my best to keep faith in Atheism but deep down i still believe god exists but unless all the other theists i think he is a dick and gave me a cursed life.
forexample now im on disability and live all alone and all my old friends from highschool have amazing girlfriends and jobs and i dont think things will ever get better for me cuz im 24 and since 2009 they been only getting significantly worse each year, all i wanted in this life was a girlfriend and i know deep down i will never get one and im really really really wanting to just go to a garage with my car and kill myself with carbon monoxide, im so scared to do it, but at the same time i know thats teh only way to end my daily suffering.
i have nightmares, like i wake up several times in night just crying and it sucks.
and i feel like god screws me whenever bad stuff happens, and i try to hold true to atheism and say that science is the only truth in the world and if you cant see something then it doesnt exist, but i just cant stop beliving and thinking god is a dick and real, what should i do?
and before anyone says it, yes i been in therapy and medication for years, and therapists wont ever talk to me about theology or god cuz they say its out of their caliber and refer met o chaplains and chaplains just stuff more bs down my throat about how god loves me but cant make life better cuz we have free will... :S
i begin to wonder if my illness is god given or something that psychology cant help, because no medication seems to help and i been on several and i took em all consistently
and all therapists tell me to do is try to focus on one thing int he moment and take things slow, and I DO - but it doesnt stop my inner pain...
i even tried praying to god and asking what u want to make my pain stop- i tried volunterring more and stuff, but my life is still a goats dick.
forexample now im on disability and live all alone and all my old friends from highschool have amazing girlfriends and jobs and i dont think things will ever get better for me cuz im 24 and since 2009 they been only getting significantly worse each year, all i wanted in this life was a girlfriend and i know deep down i will never get one and im really really really wanting to just go to a garage with my car and kill myself with carbon monoxide, im so scared to do it, but at the same time i know thats teh only way to end my daily suffering.
i have nightmares, like i wake up several times in night just crying and it sucks.
and i feel like god screws me whenever bad stuff happens, and i try to hold true to atheism and say that science is the only truth in the world and if you cant see something then it doesnt exist, but i just cant stop beliving and thinking god is a dick and real, what should i do?
and before anyone says it, yes i been in therapy and medication for years, and therapists wont ever talk to me about theology or god cuz they say its out of their caliber and refer met o chaplains and chaplains just stuff more bs down my throat about how god loves me but cant make life better cuz we have free will... :S
i begin to wonder if my illness is god given or something that psychology cant help, because no medication seems to help and i been on several and i took em all consistently
and all therapists tell me to do is try to focus on one thing int he moment and take things slow, and I DO - but it doesnt stop my inner pain...
i even tried praying to god and asking what u want to make my pain stop- i tried volunterring more and stuff, but my life is still a goats dick.
