what should i do, need help!

[leodeo]

I'm trying my best to keep faith in Atheism but deep down i still believe god exists but unless all the other theists i think he is a dick and gave me a cursed life.

forexample now im on disability and live all alone and all my old friends from highschool have amazing girlfriends and jobs and i dont think things will ever get better for me cuz im 24 and since 2009 they been only getting significantly worse each year, all i wanted in this life was a girlfriend and i know deep down i will never get one and im really really really wanting to just go to a garage with my car and kill myself with carbon monoxide, im so scared to do it, but at the same time i know thats teh only way to end my daily suffering.

i have nightmares, like i wake up several times in night just crying and it sucks.

and i feel like god screws me whenever bad stuff happens, and i try to hold true to atheism and say that science is the only truth in the world and if you cant see something then it doesnt exist, but i just cant stop beliving and thinking god is a dick and real, what should i do?

and before anyone says it, yes i been in therapy and medication for years, and therapists wont ever talk to me about theology or god cuz they say its out of their caliber and refer met o chaplains and chaplains just stuff more bs down my throat about how god loves me but cant make life better cuz we have free will... :S

i begin to wonder if my illness is god given or something that psychology cant help, because no medication seems to help and i been on several and i took em all consistently

and all therapists tell me to do is try to focus on one thing int he moment and take things slow, and I DO - but it doesnt stop my inner pain...

i even tried praying to god and asking what u want to make my pain stop- i tried volunterring more and stuff, but my life is still a goats dick.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Dude, you are NOT an atheist. Not even close.

If trying to convince yourself that that you are an atheist - even while you blame God for your troubles and pray to God to fix them - is making you this unhappy, you should probably just chuck atheism and admit that you're a believer.

Other advice: Change therapists if at all possible.

Boru

[leodeo]

I been to quite a few therapists and they all sayng stuff pretty much in different ways....

but im also not a happy christian!!! i feel stuck because even as a christian i feel like god is messing with me...

so i was hoping if i got more into atheism i would stop beliving in god and be more happy

[Doubting Thomas]

There is no "keeping faith in atheism." Either you believe a god exists or you don't. And in your case it appears that you do.

I'm with Brian, I think you need to see a different therapist or something. It would appear that you've got issues that the other therapists haven't been able to resolve yet. I would say that your belief in God isn't healthy at this point because you're wondering if you've been cursed by him with this illness. I find it strange that your therapists refuse to discuss your God belief because it does look like it's part of the problem, but I'm no psychologist.

Hang in there.

[Optimistic Mysanthrope]

Atheism is what happens when you don't believe in god, it doesn't happen the other way around.

Most therapists and psychiatrists aren't very good at theological matters. Most priests/chaplains etc aren't very good at offering psychological advice and unfortunately, they tend not to be too great at theological matters either.

As I'm sure you've realised by now, there's no such thing as a magic, happy pill - literally or metaphorically. There is no novocaine for the soul.

The thing is, there is absolutely no point in dwelling on a problem you cannot solve. The more you focus on your problems, the more they will eat you up inside. It creates a feedback loop. You need to get out there and find something you can involve yourself in that you actually enjoy. It helps build up confidence, which in turn makes it easier to cope.

Don't focus on finding a girlfriend, it's never once got me anywhere - you just end up radiating an aura of desperation. Again, confidence is key. Once you find that confidence, the rest should fall into place. There is no quick-fix, it's an ongoing process. But it's a process that does get easier with time, you just need to keep at it

[Minimalist]

is making you this unhappy, you should probably just chuck atheism and admit that you're a believer.

I quite agree with Brian. Just go back to believing that god is a dick and hates you for some reason.

Some fucking god you have there.

[leodeo]

Atheism is what happens when you don't believe in god, it doesn't happen the other way around.

Most therapists and psychiatrists aren't very good at theological matters. Most priests/chaplains etc aren't very good at offering psychological advice and unfortunately, they tend not to be too great at theological matters either.

As I'm sure you've realised by now, there's no such thing as a magic, happy pill - literally or metaphorically. There is no novocaine for the soul.

The thing is, there is absolutely no point in dwelling on a problem you cannot solve. The more you focus on your problems, the more they will eat you up inside. It creates a feedback loop. You need to get out there and find something you can involve yourself in that you actually enjoy. It helps build up confidence, which in turn makes it easier to cope.

Don't focus on finding a girlfriend, it's never once got me anywhere - you just end up radiating an aura of desperation. Again, confidence is key. Once you find that confidence, the rest should fall into place. There is no quick-fix, it's an ongoing process. But it's a process that does get easier with time, you just need to keep at it

jia, i think i will just focus on making the best of what i can.

but i get ver depresed cuz i dont have much experience with girls, meanwhile all my friends from texas are having sex lives on a "game of thrones" level.

if i never get a girlfriend in my life, can life still be worth living?

[Doubting Thomas]

if i never get a girlfriend in my life, can life still be worth living?

Of course it can. Just think about how much freedom you have not being tied down. Not to say I don't love my wife & family, but sometimes I miss those days of being able to get in my car and take off and not have to tell anyone where I'm going or when I'll be back.

Work on your own confidence first, and eventually you'll meet someone who will find you attractive.

[Raven]

I agree with Misanthrope: Atheism is what happens when you don't believe in god, it doesn't happen the other way around.

You are a theist whether you accept that or not. This is not your problem, however. Doesn't much matter which one you are. Neither is going to make you happy. Religion is not about making you happy. Atheism is also not about making you happy.

You're difficulty is that you would appear to be suffering from Major Depression. I've been there. It's no damn fun. But it happens, a lot more than you probably realize. It's a difficult condition for the therapist to treat. Your religiosity or lack thereof is not the key here. I, of course cannot know what the key might be, but I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with your belief or lack of a belief in a deity. I remember that a long time ago someone told me that depression was self-hate. I doubt it's that simple, nothing concerning humans is – but it seems to frequently be a part of it.

Depressives never seem to like themselves very much. You certainly do not appear to. I think that maybe you need to find reasons to like yourself. Can't hurt, right? There must be something. I think that maybe in your work with a therapist you should be looking to find reasons to like yourself more, and to like living more. When you are OK with yourself and your life, that is when you'll find your other half.

Hope this helps a bit.

[pocaracas]

deep down i still believe god exists

Then you are a believer, not an atheist... sorry to be the tenth person to break it to you!

Now, it seems you're not very fond of the christian god.... make your own up. Believe in that one.
Isn't that what christians do, anyway?