I have a few questions to atheists, before I become one.
March 12, 2014 at 10:21 am
(This post was last modified: March 12, 2014 at 10:44 am by IntelligentPlanet.)
Hello! As you can see I'm new to the forum. I made this account to post this thread, in which I can ask all my questions and hopefully receive answers. Before we start, I have to say that English isn't my mother language, so I may make some mistakes in the formation of the sentences, or in the wrong use of words, which I am extremely sorry for.
Long story short, I have been a Christian since young age. My family was a typical Christian one. Both my parent's weren't so religious, they were just going to church on some cases, but nothing more. They didn't made me read the Bible, it was in the later stages of my life that I managed to read some of it, which I have to admit-really scared me.
You see, untill my 15th year of my life I was just a normal believer, thinking that God really existed, and nothing more. I was not following the Bible word by word and was living a happy life. Then, for some reason, I decided to start praying before I go to bed. The strange thing was that I got psycho, I tried to do my best to perform the pray perfectly, so I don't end up wondering if the things I have prayed for will happen if I haven't performed it correctly. I started making silly rituals, which had nothing to do with religion, but I thought that God would love me and care for me if i did them. I don't want to speak much more about this things, simply because I don't want you to think of me as a stupid, crazy teenager, who has no clear idea of the world and asks silly questions here (even though I am sure that by the time you are reading this you have already thought that lol). Alright so let's continue. After a year of spending hours in trying to do the perfect prayer, doing absolutely stupid and illogical rituals, I decided to speak with my mom. I went to a psychiatrist and understood that I had Obsessive–compulsive disorder. I had every single symptom of it-an extreme desire to wash my hands 24/7, afraid of God, afraid that people won't talk to me anymore-you name it! It is 2 months since I am visiting the psychiatrist, but I can't happen to feel comfortable again. The reason why that is because I don't know the answer-Is there a God or not? If I somehow manage to answer this, I will be able to live a normal life again. I decided to read some atheist forums, watch The Amazing Atheist and some other youtube atheists, and I started to understand how delusional I was. But every time I read or watch a video explaining why atheism is true, I somehow forget all the things I have read and continue to do all the silly rituals, in order to please God, simply because I'm not sure if he exists or not. I know that this thread is extreeeeeeemely long, thanks to all of you who have managed to read it. I just want to ask-How can I be sure, or at least not worry about almost all the time, that there is no God? Yes, I read a lot about science, how stuff were created, but I continue to somehow not accept it and believe in God, which I really don't want to. Can you tell me how are you sure and living your lives without always trying to figure out if you are wrong about God, trying to argue with yourself all the time, because that's what I am doing right now. Every time when I ask the question:Is God real, i end up trying to remember all the things I have read and watched, and if I don't manage to, things get really bad. Please help me, because I am desperate. Please help me get my life again.
P.S
lease don't post some comments like: "Yeah you are crazy" or "Yep you are totally restarted and delusional, grow up", because that won't help me at all. Just help me figure this thing out, so I can continue enjoy my life, without wondering if I am doing anything wrong and if I will get an eternal life in a full with fires and torture place.
P.P.S:I know my English ain't perfect, striving to get better and better at it.
Long story short, I have been a Christian since young age. My family was a typical Christian one. Both my parent's weren't so religious, they were just going to church on some cases, but nothing more. They didn't made me read the Bible, it was in the later stages of my life that I managed to read some of it, which I have to admit-really scared me.
You see, untill my 15th year of my life I was just a normal believer, thinking that God really existed, and nothing more. I was not following the Bible word by word and was living a happy life. Then, for some reason, I decided to start praying before I go to bed. The strange thing was that I got psycho, I tried to do my best to perform the pray perfectly, so I don't end up wondering if the things I have prayed for will happen if I haven't performed it correctly. I started making silly rituals, which had nothing to do with religion, but I thought that God would love me and care for me if i did them. I don't want to speak much more about this things, simply because I don't want you to think of me as a stupid, crazy teenager, who has no clear idea of the world and asks silly questions here (even though I am sure that by the time you are reading this you have already thought that lol). Alright so let's continue. After a year of spending hours in trying to do the perfect prayer, doing absolutely stupid and illogical rituals, I decided to speak with my mom. I went to a psychiatrist and understood that I had Obsessive–compulsive disorder. I had every single symptom of it-an extreme desire to wash my hands 24/7, afraid of God, afraid that people won't talk to me anymore-you name it! It is 2 months since I am visiting the psychiatrist, but I can't happen to feel comfortable again. The reason why that is because I don't know the answer-Is there a God or not? If I somehow manage to answer this, I will be able to live a normal life again. I decided to read some atheist forums, watch The Amazing Atheist and some other youtube atheists, and I started to understand how delusional I was. But every time I read or watch a video explaining why atheism is true, I somehow forget all the things I have read and continue to do all the silly rituals, in order to please God, simply because I'm not sure if he exists or not. I know that this thread is extreeeeeeemely long, thanks to all of you who have managed to read it. I just want to ask-How can I be sure, or at least not worry about almost all the time, that there is no God? Yes, I read a lot about science, how stuff were created, but I continue to somehow not accept it and believe in God, which I really don't want to. Can you tell me how are you sure and living your lives without always trying to figure out if you are wrong about God, trying to argue with yourself all the time, because that's what I am doing right now. Every time when I ask the question:Is God real, i end up trying to remember all the things I have read and watched, and if I don't manage to, things get really bad. Please help me, because I am desperate. Please help me get my life again.
P.S
lease don't post some comments like: "Yeah you are crazy" or "Yep you are totally restarted and delusional, grow up", because that won't help me at all. Just help me figure this thing out, so I can continue enjoy my life, without wondering if I am doing anything wrong and if I will get an eternal life in a full with fires and torture place. P.P.S:I know my English ain't perfect, striving to get better and better at it.
