I have a few questions to atheists, before I become one.

[Lek]

I also suffer from OCD and have had many of the same experiences. I'm right there with you. OCD is not a psychological illness, but rather a physical one. It's caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. There are drugs that can treat this imbalance and relieve the symptoms to a large degree. The antidepressant Paxil has helped me tremendously. You have such a difficult time making decisions because as long as you feel there's a 1% chance that one side or the other is true you can't disregard it. Most atheists can think that there's a chance that God exists, but are content to not believe unless they find scientific truth, but with OCD you can't rest as long as there's any chance or doubt in your mind. I was always looking for ways to appease God and avoid the fires of hell and almost had a nervous breaakdown. I finally came to the realization that my salvation was based on my faith in Christ, not in endless rituals and appeasment. I gave myself to him and put the rest in his hands. No matter what you do, you can't earn your way to heaven. I still have to deal with my OCD daily, but it's managable now. I have some peace of mind and I can sleep at night again. You can beat it. Don't give up searching for way to overcome this dehabilitating condition.