So far...

[Bob Kelso]

Atheism sucks big hairy balls. Sorry, but it does. Personal view only you understand.

Been a few months now and so far I got zero payoff. Squat. Diddly. I preferred my comfortable lie to this ugly truth, but having unplugged, I now can't plug myself back in or unthink what I thought.

I'm honestly not trying to be a dick here, but what exactly were you expecting to find Jacob? Atheism doesn't have a rewards card mate, and desirability is not a requisite of the truth. Would it be nice if there really was a supreme being looking out for all of us with a party-house in paradise waiting for each of us when we kick the bucket? Sure. Too bad there's no evidence for it.

I can't even have fun debating with christians because I would not want them to lose what I lost!

So you'd rather leave the wool pulled over their eyes, nice and comfy in their house of contrived bullshit? Ok, whatever floats your boat, so leave the debating to others. Find something you enjoy to do.

I think I'm going through the kuber Ross model for Yahweh and I'm stuck on anger.

I understand that some deconverted Christians experience grief (I myself experienced some small amount of difficulty at first), losing your convictions and expectations of eternity in a paradise in the clouds can do that to a person, but you either get over it and take pleasure in the fact that you're alive or you stay mired in a false sense of loss, because what did you really lose? Lies and bullshit.