So far...

[Mudhammam]

Atheism sucks big hairy balls. Sorry, but it does. Personal view only you understand.

Been a few months now and so far I got zero payoff. Squat. Diddly. I preferred my comfortable lie to this ugly truth, but having unplugged, I now can't plug myself back in or unthink what I thought.

I can't even have fun debating with christians because I would not want them to lose what I lost!

I think I'm going through the kuber Ross model for Yahweh and I'm stuck on anger.

That was my feeling for a while. Fortunately, I no longer feel loss but tremendous gain. Just curious, what sucks about it? Now you're capable of studying religion, and a large part of human activity, from a secular--that is, scientific-- standpoint, and perhaps understand it better; what drives belief, what drives THESE beliefs, how can people free themselves of the unnecessary burden that is Christianity, etc. Sure, there's no "payoff" comparable to the lies religion fills empty heads with. There's nothing particularly rewarding about embracing reality as the shit hole that it largely is, except that now you can be part of the solution in discouraging one of its most virulent aspects. You can be one of the people leaving a better place for humanity than you found it, in part because you see what a strong delusion currently captures and distracts the average Joe's attention, and perhaps break that spell for the poor saps it rules over.