Why Do You or Did You Believe?

[Jenny A]

Hi Jenny, in answer to your post,
I wanted to know 2 things:
What am I doing here?
Where am I going?

If there is no reason for life, I wanted out.
Measuring the good/bad ratio, I concluded the bad hugely outweighs the good.

If evolution were true, the smartest thing to do is find a painless way to get out of the squirrel cage. But what if there is a hell? Huge dilemma.

The not wanting to live if evolution were true, part I really don't get, but I'll take it as a given and march along.

I had 3 options:
Blast into a tree at a high rate of speed.
Continue on (the Playboy philosophy was not working or realistic).
Look for the truth about reality.

OK, given the initial premises I'm with you.

I began reading books about ghosts / astral projection, and the bible.
After a while I concluded the occult stuff goes nowhere.
I also concluded, out of all the myriad religions, philosophys and views of life- one and only one is true and all the others are lies and shades of lies.
Like a mosaic of tiles on the floor- each being contradictory to the others, they all cannot be true.

Indeed, they certainly cannot all be true.

I did not want to become a Christian- giving up my individual sovereignty.

Got that.

But the words of Jesus were bothering me.
Like: "He that is not with me is against me".
I reasoned that I was not actively FOR Him, therefore, I was against Him.- a bad place to be if He is who He says He is.

Lost me again unless you already believed at this point.

At night on my way home from 2nd shift work, on my solitary dark ride home, the question would come repeatedly- "Where will you be in 100 years?
Finally one nigh,t as I lay on my bed contemplating the evil in the world, yet it being an amazing place, i decided to find out if Jesus / God is real.
I felt like I was going out on a limb of a tree and started to saw it off while sitting on it.
I repented and prayed a contrite prayer, I prayed an "Our Father" and I said- "Do with me whatever you want, but don't ever let me go".
Instantly I woke up to the morning light and I KNEW God was real.
No recollection of falling asleep and with an inner knowledge of the reality of God.
I was also delighted that the limb I seemed to be sawing did not fall down.
I found out later that I was born from above that night.

That I get, even if I've never felt it and would probably question it if I did.

That was 42 years ago.
He has never let me go regardless of frustrations or discouragements.
The years have added knowledge and confidence, especially after having a fascination for the prophetic portions of the bible.

If we were to argue about the prophetic portions of the Bible it would be better to do it on another thread.

Thank you. That was illuminating.