Lonely and a bit depressed

[MusicLovingAtheist]

For myself I have never felt the feeling of loneliness, I like seeing a friend here and there but I prefer my own company. I think we need to get to know ourselves first, and also to love yourself, if we cannot do this we can never love another, or truly love ourselves, no matter where we are, alone or with another.

I find it very difficult to love myself. I feel like every time I look back on something I say or do I just feel bad about it. It's like that Shakespearean blood on the hands that won't come off thing. They keep coming back to haunt me as if each bad memory becomes an apparition inside of my mind. I am constantly being reminded of how I've fell short. When I think of myself there's two sides of the coin. On one side there's the person who I want to be. Smart, good looking, someone who people like, talented. In reality I haven't proven myself capable of accomplishing anything that takes a lot of intelligence. In my eyes I'm average looking. No one wants to talk and no one ever does. I possess no great talents, nothing sets me apart from others. I feel like I myself am just a material object. Life is valuable to me, but my body and my mind feel like they're just low functioning pieces of crap and there is nothing in the world that could change that. There's no drugs for that I can take, there's nothing anyone can say that can change that.