I'm not lonely for company, I can have that any time I want, but I'm seriously lonely for the right company. I'm like this mix of too many things all in one and they dont really match to create a group type for me. For example, Im an athiest but I support unregulated herbal medicine, I dont take vaccines (which i do realise is selfish) but i feel they are dangerous. I eat organic because I think GMO"S are dangerous. I dont drink and i dont support smoking weed which most athiests do. Im like this mixture of ungrouped beliefs. I also am lax on spelling and dont care which annoys athiests which is probably spelled atheists if i think about it. i like very different music than most athiests, im just different and its terrible.
I cant find someone to date with similar taste in music because I like this dance euro and latin stuff and most europeans are religious maniacs. My head hurts with the music of my athiest friends. When people talk to me about the fact that they support big pharma I feel like they are sheep, but most atheists support pharmaceuticals and the companies.
I hate annimal creulty but I'm creul enough to eat them which i think is sick and it saddens me because I'm allergic to most vegan foods so I have no options...
Im a feminist but at the same time Im old fashioned. I do like the guy to act like an old fashioned guy, but I want the same rights to wages and respect in general. i want the right to go topless for example and not be judged, but i have no desire whatsoever to go topless, its hard to explain.
I want the right to have a one night stand without being slut shamed, yet i have no desire to go have one night stands because im kind of old fashioned . I'ts the rights that i want, and the end to slut shaming and the judgement that i want changed and at the same time, im quite content to be old fashioned and take my time... but thats me
At work everybody is on antidepressants, weed or booze ( not that i care or am judging because my issues with weed are due to allergies not moral reasons... but...
I cant communicate with them about deep topics because thier drug of choice makes them so that they are apathetic, aloof, detached and they dont give a shit about anything.
And i get that many here probably do weed too... and thats fine im not judging, but i want to talk to someone who is not medicated or intoxicated, is that so wrong? is it so wrong that I'm starved for reality?For original humans in an unaltered state without mental illnesses or magical thinking? Why am I alone in this?
My coworkers made me have a nervous breakdown because they hated me because I cared about the well being of the people at workplace where they didnt give a flying f***. They all have this "work to rule mentality" and I have " right to work mentality" They mobbed me because people in the workplace were always complimenting and validating me and putting me on a pedastool and it made my coworkers sick to thier stomachs.
My point... I fit in no where. People dont like me for who i am.. and it sucks because i have to be fake in order to fit in, and the truth is, it never lasts long this faking it. It has been this way since i was 14. Faking it to fit in...I used to buy a bottle of beer at a club and pretend to get drunk but I would just dump it in the corner when nobody was looking.I would put a cigarette in my mouth but had no idea what to do with it... but all my friends smoked so...Anyway, nothing changes ,,, conform or be ostracised. And in this adult life, i find my self choosing more to be ostracised and much less to fit in.
This week i ran into someone from my past who i had a huge crush on 30 years ago. I thought he might be cool to hang out with because i thought he was potentially a really deep person who was also in a funk like i am and i thought we could help each other. He got a little sexually flirty and i was having a good time with it because we laughed so much and it was natural and funny and effortless... and then the next day it hit me that he comes from the world of religion, judgement and slut shaming. It scared the crap out of me because he made me feel so alive and happy. Today I found out he went to church and it saddened the crap out of me again because he set a little fire in me and then left me to burn, I felt alive for the first time in a very long time, but sadly where there is jesus there is judgement and I'm nobodys "slut". He was part of a group that slut shamed me when i was 15. Did i mention i stayed a virgin until i was 34.
There is nobody for me, not even a crowd for me...
Just sucks to be alone.
Anyway, if you do weed or are medicated or drink booze... this is not judgement, its just me being lonely for someone who doesnt... i hope you all understand that... I come in peace and love. Angry love but nonetheless love.
I cant find someone to date with similar taste in music because I like this dance euro and latin stuff and most europeans are religious maniacs. My head hurts with the music of my athiest friends. When people talk to me about the fact that they support big pharma I feel like they are sheep, but most atheists support pharmaceuticals and the companies.
I hate annimal creulty but I'm creul enough to eat them which i think is sick and it saddens me because I'm allergic to most vegan foods so I have no options...
Im a feminist but at the same time Im old fashioned. I do like the guy to act like an old fashioned guy, but I want the same rights to wages and respect in general. i want the right to go topless for example and not be judged, but i have no desire whatsoever to go topless, its hard to explain.
I want the right to have a one night stand without being slut shamed, yet i have no desire to go have one night stands because im kind of old fashioned . I'ts the rights that i want, and the end to slut shaming and the judgement that i want changed and at the same time, im quite content to be old fashioned and take my time... but thats me
At work everybody is on antidepressants, weed or booze ( not that i care or am judging because my issues with weed are due to allergies not moral reasons... but...
I cant communicate with them about deep topics because thier drug of choice makes them so that they are apathetic, aloof, detached and they dont give a shit about anything.
And i get that many here probably do weed too... and thats fine im not judging, but i want to talk to someone who is not medicated or intoxicated, is that so wrong? is it so wrong that I'm starved for reality?For original humans in an unaltered state without mental illnesses or magical thinking? Why am I alone in this?
My coworkers made me have a nervous breakdown because they hated me because I cared about the well being of the people at workplace where they didnt give a flying f***. They all have this "work to rule mentality" and I have " right to work mentality" They mobbed me because people in the workplace were always complimenting and validating me and putting me on a pedastool and it made my coworkers sick to thier stomachs.
My point... I fit in no where. People dont like me for who i am.. and it sucks because i have to be fake in order to fit in, and the truth is, it never lasts long this faking it. It has been this way since i was 14. Faking it to fit in...I used to buy a bottle of beer at a club and pretend to get drunk but I would just dump it in the corner when nobody was looking.I would put a cigarette in my mouth but had no idea what to do with it... but all my friends smoked so...Anyway, nothing changes ,,, conform or be ostracised. And in this adult life, i find my self choosing more to be ostracised and much less to fit in.
This week i ran into someone from my past who i had a huge crush on 30 years ago. I thought he might be cool to hang out with because i thought he was potentially a really deep person who was also in a funk like i am and i thought we could help each other. He got a little sexually flirty and i was having a good time with it because we laughed so much and it was natural and funny and effortless... and then the next day it hit me that he comes from the world of religion, judgement and slut shaming. It scared the crap out of me because he made me feel so alive and happy. Today I found out he went to church and it saddened the crap out of me again because he set a little fire in me and then left me to burn, I felt alive for the first time in a very long time, but sadly where there is jesus there is judgement and I'm nobodys "slut". He was part of a group that slut shamed me when i was 15. Did i mention i stayed a virgin until i was 34.
There is nobody for me, not even a crowd for me...
Just sucks to be alone.
Anyway, if you do weed or are medicated or drink booze... this is not judgement, its just me being lonely for someone who doesnt... i hope you all understand that... I come in peace and love. Angry love but nonetheless love.
