Hello fellow thinkers

[Sejanus]

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Like I'm sure that's nice and all, but don't call them biscuits.

Looks like I'm going to break it down for you pesky Americans, once and for all.
Biscuits are almost exclusively (I'm looking at you digestives) small and sweet, usually crunchy, flour based and often consumed with tea. Here are some biscuits;
Biscuits are what you americans consider cookies, while the rest of the world considers only these cookies;

What you have been blasphemously claiming above as biscuits are in fact scones, which are usually eaten with jam/cream/butter along with tea, but have for some reason been hi-jacked as gravy vessels by you wacky 'Muricans.
I'm not even English, and I know this shit.

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Incorrect. There is no English comparison to an American biscuit that I know of. Scones are not the same as American biscuits. We have those too we also eat them cream/butter/jam, and actual American biscuits can also be eaten that way though they're much better all smothered in gravy.

Losty, Ily, but this is a scone with sauce on it.