That Day will come as a trap on all the world

[Mudhammam]

Or maybe the Christian and Muslim heaven are separated (probably by water)

On the contrary, there is a giant building made of the finest marble, surrounded by a vast river of milk, that houses all the gays, Christians, Muslims, and aborted fetuses. I haven't quite figured out how housing is selected but St. Judas (yes, THAT Judas--here he is a great saint) hinted at tea time this morning that various groups are rotated in and out of their respected residences because they have a great deal to "learn" from one another.

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Also, hell is not real. I'm told a few too many glasses of wine and a notorious prankster were responsible for starting that rumor. I asked about Hitler and a very little mouse, meek with white facial hair (animals are here but each strives for return to earth, much better suited for their pleasure, through which they are reincarnated into after being eaten by us, a privilege only granted at random through daily lottery) told me that even Adolf, along with some others, live on the far East of heaven (which I am told is HUGE) and can only be visited on special request by God himself until something called "the fajima" takes place. No exact idea on what that is quite yet but I gather it's a competition that involves something similar to a crossing of golf and rugby, and is hosted every 2,432 years.