so much pain

[ShaMan]

Anyone have anything to say about loneliness and social awkwardness.

Loneliness is a condition prescribed by your mind - it is not determined by your circumstances, but rather your reaction to those circumstances. I suspect the social awkwardness flows from you identifying yourself with such labels as "lonely" or "awkward", when in fact, you simply are. If you can become present in the moment, that is to say, be aware of now, rather than ruminating over some self-perceived failure in the past, or hoping for some future betterment, you'd find that your natural condition is actually one of fulfillment, joy, and ease. I know of no way to help you grasp this lesson but to suggest that you cease to identify yourself as whatever role you find yourself in at any given moment. Rather than saying "I am" (fill in the blank - sad, lonely, angry, etc.) simply say instead "I Am" and rest in that perfect place where loneliness and fear are fallen remnants of an ego than serves no purpose but to strengthen itself while crushing the real you beneath its perceived immensity.