Platitudes That Help Christians Retain Their Faith

[dyresand]

1. It is part of god's plan.
2. We will understand when we die
3. Your human understanding can not comprehend god's greatness.
4.God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.
5. You need the faith of a little child(So stop asking questions)
6.God won't give you more than you can handle
7. Your problem is not with me but god
8. If you were a real/true Christian....

A series of short pithy comebacks for each of these would be nice.

1. It is part of god's plan.
A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked, "Is my time up?" God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon hearing this, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction and a tummy tuck. She even had someone change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

She was released from the hospital but while crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by a car.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years?! Why didn't you pull me out of the path of that car?"

God Replied,"I didn't recognize you."
2. We will understand when we die
Once upon a time we woke up dead. see the problem with that understanding after your dead. if you do understand were just some game and were pawns to god we would hate god.
3. Your human understanding can not comprehend god's greatness.
a human mind can't understand a magical evil sky god in magical North Korea in the sky. And the magical overlord Magical Kim Jong-Il i'm so shocked.
4.God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.
what about all those starving people in Africa they have the worst.
god can't take two seconds to make it rain fucking sandwiches fucking ridiculous.
5. You need the faith of a little child(So stop asking questions)
so go take a child to church with the chances of him getting his mind and body raped by a pastor. yeah no ill teach them something useful like if you want it to bad go work for it.
6.God won't give you more than you can handle
7. Your problem is not with me but god
no there is no god so my problem is clearly with you do not use your god as a shield from my wrath. you either apologize or its my fist your face hadouken.
8. If you were a real/true Christian....
so you wanna rape woman pay 50 shekles for them to their father so its about currently 12.84. man that's cheap wife no isn't it and you can have more than 1 wife yay polygamy. It doesn't just stop right there are your kids not listening take them to the entrance of the town and kill them along with the town elders fair and just punishment.