Dear Christians... errr... the denominations, that believe in the Rapture anyway!
I'm going to start Post Rapture Animal Control. If you want - for a reasonable fee - after the Rapture, I'm going to take care of your beloved pets. By that I mean - I will hunt down them down and bludgeon them to death. I might do it for free anyway, out of pure spite, for not having been saved by Jeebus. So, please - make sure you don't f*** up and miss out on the Rapture, or it may to be a very awkward meeting, over the twitching, bloody carcass of Spot, Fifi, or Piddles...
I'm going to start Post Rapture Animal Control. If you want - for a reasonable fee - after the Rapture, I'm going to take care of your beloved pets. By that I mean - I will hunt down them down and bludgeon them to death. I might do it for free anyway, out of pure spite, for not having been saved by Jeebus. So, please - make sure you don't f*** up and miss out on the Rapture, or it may to be a very awkward meeting, over the twitching, bloody carcass of Spot, Fifi, or Piddles...

"The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one." - George Bernard Shaw